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University  of  California  •  Berkeley 

Gift  of 
THE  HEARST  CORPORATION 


4// 


THE  MERRY  WIVES 
OF  WINDSOR 


M  Let's  consuu  together  against  this  greasy  knight 


NEW  TORK 

FREDERICK  A.  STOKES  COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS 

1910 


Printed  in  England 


DRAMATIS  PERSONS 


Sir  John  Falstaff. 

Fenton,  a  gentleman. 

Shallow,  a  country  justice. 

Slender,  cousin  to  Shallow. 

Ford,~1 

p  r      \two  gentlemen  dwelling  at  Windsor. 

William  Page,  a  boy,  son  to  Page. 

Sir  Hugh  Evans,  a  Welsh  parson. 

Doctor  Caius,  a  French  physician. 

Host  of  the  Garter  Inn. 

Bardolph,-\ 

Pistol,       \  sharpers  attending  Falstaff. 

Nym,  J 

Roein,  page  to  Falstaff. 

Simple,  servant  to  Slender. 

Rugby,  servant  to  Doctor  Caius. 

Mistress  Ford. 

Mistress  Page. 

Anne  Page,  her  daughter. 

Mistress  Quickly,  servant  to  Doctor  Caius. 

Servants  to  Page,  Ford,  etc. 

Scene — Windsor,  and  the  neighbourhood. 


• 


"  Let's  consult  together  against  this  greasy  knight  "  Frontispiece 
"  If  he  were  twenty  Sir  John  Falstaffs,  he  shall  not  abuse 

Robert  Shallow,  Esquire  !  " 
"  They  carried  me  to  the  tavern  " 
"  Enter  Anne  Page  with  wine,  Mistress  Ford  and  Mistress 

Page  following  " 
The  Book  of  Riddles 
11 1  am  not-a  hungry,  I  thank  you  " 
"  Why  do  your  dogs  bark  so  ?  be  there  bears  i'  the  town?" 
"  There's  pippins  and  cheese  to  come" 
"  Enter  Falstaff,  Pistol,  Nym  and  Bardolph  " 
"  This  letter  to  Mistress  Page  and  thou  this  to  Mistress 

Ford  " 
"  Exeunt  Falstaft  and  Robin  " 
"  Does  he  not  hold  up  his  head,  as  it  were  ?  and  strut 

in  his  gait  ?  " 
"  Villain  !  larron  !  "  {Pulling  Simple  out) 
"  I  wash,  wring  .  .  .  and  do  all  myself" 


Facing 
Page 


2 

IO 

12 
M 

16 
18 

20 

22 

24 
26 

28 
3° 
32 


viii  LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS 

Facing 
j>*ge 

" Have  not  your  worship  a  wart  above  your  eye? "  34 

"  Here's  the  twin  brother  of  thy  letter  "  40 

u  Go  in  with  us  and  see  "  44 

"  How  now,  sweet  Frank  !  why  art  thou  melancholy  ?  "  48 

"  When  Mrs.  Bridget  lost  the  handle  of  her  fan  "  50 

"  Marry,  this  is  the  short  and  the  long  of  it "  54 
"  I  had  rather,  forsooth,  go  before  you  like  a  man  than 

follow  him  like  a  dwarf  "  78 

"  He  has  eyes  of  youth,  he  smells  April  and  May  "  80 

"  There  empty  it  in  the  muddy  ditch  "  82 

"  You  little  Jack-a-Lent,  have  you  been  true  to  us  ?  "  84 
"  There  comes  my  master,  Master  Shallow,  and  another 

gentleman,  from  Frogmore,  over  the  stile  this  way  "  86 
"  I  cannot  cog,  and  say  thou  art  this  and  that,  like  a  many 

of  these  lisping  hawthorn-buds  "  88 

"  They  covered  him  with  foul  linen  "  90 

"  And  'tis  the  very  riches  of  thyself  that  now  I  aim  at  "  98 
"  I  had  a  father,  Mistress  Anne :  my  uncle  can  tell  you 

good  jests  of  him  "  100 

"  Thrown  in  the  Thames  "  104 

"  Master  Slender  is  let  the  boys  leave  to  play  "  114 

"  Come  on,  sirrah — answer  your  master,  be  not  afraid  "  118 

"Are  you  not  ashamed?  let  the  clothes  alone  "  126 

"  Out  of  my  door,  you  witch  "  130 

"  Then  let  them  all  encircle  him  about "  136 

"  Enter  Sir  Hugh  Evans,  Anne  Page,  and  others  "  156 

"  Search  Windsor  Castle,  elves,  within  and  out  "  158 

"And  nightly  meadow  fairies,  look  you  sing  "  160 

"  Now,  good  Sir  John,  how  like  you  Windsor  wives  "  162 

11 1  went  to  her  and  cried  ■  mum  '  and  she  cried  '  budget '  "  166 


Scene  I 

Windsor.     Befo7-e  Page's  house 

Enter  Justice  Shallow,  Slender,  and  Sir 
Hugh  Evans 

Shallow 
Sir   Hugh,   persuade   me   not;    I   will    make   a   Star- 
chamber   matter  of   it:  if   he   were   twenty   Sir   John 
Falstaffs,  he  shall  not  abuse  Robert  Shallow,  esquire. 

Slender 
In    the   county   of    Gloucester,  justice   of   peace   and 
1  Coram.' 


2  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR        act  i. 

Shallow 
Ay,  cousin  Slender,  and  '  Custalorum.' 

Slender 
Ay,  and    '  Rato-lorum '    too ;    and   a   gentleman   born, 
master  parson ;   who  writes  himself  '  Armigero,'  in  any 
bill,  warrant,  quittance,  or  obligation,  '  Armigero.' 

Shallow 
Ay,  that  I  do ;  and   have  done  any  time  these  three 
hundred  years. 

Slender 
All  his  successors  gone  before  him  hath  done't ;  and 
all  his  ancestors  that  come  after  him  may :  they  may 
give  the  dozen  white  luces  in  their  coat. 

Shallow 
It  is  an  old  coat. 

Evans 
The  dozen  white  louses  do  become  an  old  coat  well ; 
it  agrees  well,  passant ;  it  is  a  familiar  beast  to  man, 
and  signifies  love. 

Shallow 
The  luce  is  the  fresh  fish ;  the  salt  fish  is  an  old  coat. 

Slender 
I  may  quarter,  coz. 

Shallow 

You  may,  by  marrying. 


"  If  he  were  tiventy  Sir  John  Falstaffs,  he  shall 
not  abuse  Robert  Shallow,  Esquire  !  " 


sc.  i.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  3 

Evans 
It  is  marring  indeed,  if  he  quarter  it. 

Shallow 
Not  a  whit. 

Evans 

Yes,  py'r  lady  ;  if  he  has  a  quarter  of  your  coat,  there  is 
but  three  skirts  for  yourself,  in  my  simple  conjectures  : 
but  that  is  all  one.  If  Sir  John  Falstaffhave  committed 
disparagements  unto  you,  I  am  of  the  church,  and  will 
be  glad  to  do  my  benevolence  to  make  atonements  and 
compremises  between  you. 

Shallow 
The  council  shall  hear  it ;  it  is  a  riot. 

Evans 
It  is  not  meet  the  council  hear  a  riot ;  there  is  no  fear 
of  Got  in  a  riot :  the  council,  look  you,  shall  desire  to 
hear  the  fear  of  Got,  and  not  to  hear  a  riot ;  take  your 
vizaments  in  that. 

Shallow 

Ha !  o'  my  life,  if  I  were  young  again,  the  sword  should 
end  it. 

Evans 

It  is  petter  that  friends  is  the  sword,  and  end  it :  and 
there  is  also  another  device  in  my  prain,  which  per- 
adventure  prings  goot  discretions  with  it :  there  is 
Anne  Page,  which  is  daughter  to  Master  Thomas  Page, 
which  is  pretty  virginity. 


4  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  i. 

Slender 
Mistress  Anne  Page  ?     She  has  brown  hair,  and  speaks 
small  like  a  woman. 

Evans 

It  is  that  fery  person  for  all  the  odd,  as  just  as  you  will 
desire ;  and  seven  hundred  pounds  of  moneys,  and  gold 
and  silver,  is  her  grandsire  upon  his  death's-bed — Got 
deliver  to  a  joyful  resurrections ! — give,  when  she  is 
able  to  overtake  seventeen  years  old  :  it  were  a  goot 
motion  if  we  leave  our  pribbles  and  prabbles,  and  desire 
a  marriage  between  Master  Abraham  and  Mistress 
Anne  Page. 

Slender 

Did  her  grandsire  leave  her  seven  hundred  pound  ? 

Evans 
Ay,  and  her  father  is  make  her  a  petter  penny. 

Slender 
I  know  the  young  gentlewoman ;  she  has  good  gifts. 

Evans 
Seven  hundred  pounds  and  possibilities  is  goot  gifts. 

Shallow 
Well,  let  us  see  honest  Master  Page.     Is  Falstaff  there  ? 

Evans 
Shall   I  tell  you  a  lie  ?     I  do  despise  a  liar  as  I  do 
despise  one  that  is  false,  or  as  I  despise  one  that  is  not 


sc.  i.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  5 

true.  The  knight,  Sir  John,  is  there ;  and,  I  beseech 
you,  be  ruled  by  your  well-willers.  I  will  peat  the  door 
for  Master  Page.  \Knocks\  What,  hoa !  Got  pless 
your  house  here  1 

Page 
[  Within]  Who's  there  ? 

Enter  Page 

Evans 
Here  is  Got's  plessing,  and  your  friend,  and  Justice 
Shallow;  and   here  young   Master  Slender,  that   per- 
adventures  shall  tell  you  another  tale,  if  matters  grow  to 
your  likings. 

Page 
I  am  glad  to  see  your  worships  well.     I  thank  you  for 
my  venison,  Master  Shallow. 

Shallow 
Master  Page,  I  am  glad  to  see  you :  much  good  do  it 
your  good  heart !     I  wished  your  venison  better  ;  it  was 
ill  killed.     How   doth   good   Mistress   Page? — and   I 
thank  you  always  with  my  heart,  la !  with  my  heart. 

Page 
Sir,  I  thank  you. 

Shallow 

Sir,  I  thank  you  ;  by  yea  and  no,  I  do. 


6  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR        act  i. 

Page 
I  am  glad  to  see  you,  good  Master  Slender. 

Slender 
How  does  your  fallow  greyhound,  sir  ?    I  heard  say  he 
was  outrun  on  Cotsall. 

Page 

It  could  not  be  judged,  sir. 

Slender 
You'll  not  confess,  you'll  not  confess. 

Shallow 
That  he  will  not.     'Tis  your  fault,  'tis  your  fault;  'tis  a 
good  dog. 

Page 
A  cur,  sir. 

Shallow 

Sir,  he's  a  good  dog,  and  a  fair  dog :  can  there  be  more 
said  ?  he  is  good  and  fair.     Is  Sir  John  Falstaff  here? 

Page 
Sir,  he  is  within;  and  I  would  I  could  do  a  good  office 
between  you. 

Evans 
It  is  spoke  as  a  Christians  ought  to  speak. 

Shallow 
He  hath  wronged  me,  Master  Page. 


sc.  i.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  7 

Page 
Sir,  he  doth  in  some  sort  confess  it. 

Shallow 
If  it  be  confessed,  it  is  not  redressed  :  is  not  that  so, 
Master  Page  ?     He  hath  wronged  me ;  indeed  he  hath ; 
at  a  word,  he  hath,  believe  me :  Robert  Shallow,  esquire, 
saith,  he  is  wronged. 

Page 
Here  comes  Sir  John. 

Enter  Sir  John  Falstaff,  Bardolph,  Nym, 
and  Pistol 

Falstaff 
Now,   Master  Shallow,  you'll  complain  of  me  to  the 
King? 

Shallow 
Knight,  you  have  beaten  my  men,  killed  my  deer,  and 
broke  open  my  lodge. 

Falstaff 
But  not  kissed  your  keeper's  daughter? 

Shallow 
Tut,  a  pin  1  this  shall  be  answered. 

Falstaff 
I  will  answer  it  straight ;  I  have  done  all  this. 
That  is  now  answered. 


8  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR        act  i. 

Shallow 
The  council  shall  know  this. 

Falstaff 
'Twere  better  for  you  if  it  were  known  in   counsel : 
you'll  be  laughed  at. 

Evans 
Pauca  verba,  Sir  John ;  goot  worts. 

Falstaff 
Good   worts!   good  cabbage.     Slender,   I  broke  your 
head :  what  matter  have  you  against  me  ? 

Slender 
Marry,  sir,  I  have  matter  in  my  head  against  you ;  and 
against  your  cony-catching  rascals,  Bardolph,  Nym  and 
Pistol. 

Bardolph 
You  Banbury  cheese ! 

Slender 
Ay,  it  is  no  matter. 

Pistol 

How  now,  Mephostophilus ! 

Slender 
Ay,  it  is  no  matter. 

Nym 
Slice,  I  say !  pauca,  pauca :  slice !  that's  my  humour. 


sc.  i.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  9 

Slender 
Where's  Simple,  my  man?     Can  you  tell,  cousin? 

Evans 
Peace,  I  pray  you.  Now  let  us  understand.  There  is 
three  umpires  in  this  matter,  as  I  understand;  that  is, 
Master  Page,  fidelicet  Master  Page;  and  there  is  my- 
self, fidelicet  myself ;  and  the  three  party  is,  lastly  and 
finally,  mine  host  of  the  Garter. 

Page 
We  three,  to  hear  it  and  end  it  between  them. 

Evans 
Fery  goot :  I  will  make  a  prief  of  it  in  my  note-book ; 
and  we  will  afterwards  ork  upon  the  cause  with  as  great 
discreetly  as  we  can. 

Falstaff 
Pistol ! 

Pistol 
He  hears  with  ears. 

Evans 
The  tevil  and  his  tarn  1  what  phrase  is  this,  •  He  hears 
with  ear '  ?  why,  it  is  affectations. 

Falstaff 
Pistol,  did  you  pick  Master  Slender's  purse? 


io  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR        act  i. 

Slender 
Ay,  by  these  gloves,  did  he,  or  I  would  I  might  never 
come  in  mine  own  great  chamber  again  else,  of  seven 
groats  in  mill-sixpences,  and  two  Edward  shovel-boards, 
that  cost  me  two  shilling  and  two  pence  a-piece  of  Yead 
Miller,  by  these  gloves. 

Falstaff 
Is  this  true,  Pistol  ? 

Evans 

No ;  it  is  false,  if  it  is  a  pick-purse. 

Pistol 
Ha,  thou  mountain-foreigner !  Sir  John  and  master  mine, 
I  combat  challenge  of  this  latter  bilbo. 
Word  of  denial  in  thy  labras  here ! 
Word  of  denial :  froth  and  scum,  thou  liest ! 

Slender 
By  these  gloves,  then,  'twas  he. 

Nym 
Be  avised,  sir,   and   pass   good  humours:    I  will  say 
'  marry  trap '  with  you,  if  you  run  the  nuthook's  humour 
on  me ;  that  is  the  very  note  of  it. 

Slender 
By  this  hat,  then,  he  in  the  red  face  had  it ;  for  though 
I    cannot   remember  what  I   did  when  you  made  me 
drunk,  yet  I  am  not  altogether  an  ass. 


•'  They  carried  me  to  the  tavern  " 


l\T  »■ 


sc.  i.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  u 

Falstaff 
What  say  you,  Scarlet  and  John  ? 

Bardolph 
Why,  sir,  for  my  part,  I  say  the  gentleman  had  drunk 
himself  out  of  his  five  sentences. 

Evans 
It  is  his  five  senses :  fie,  what  the  ignorance  is ! 

Bardolph 
And  being  fap,  sir,  was,  as  they  say,  cashiered ;  and  so 
conclusions  passed  the  careires. 

Slender 
Ay,  you  spake  in  Latin  then  too ;  but  'tis  no  matter : 
I'll  ne'er  be  drunk  whilst  I  live  again,  but  in  honest, 
civil,  godly  company,  for  this  trick :  if  I  be  drunk,  I'll 
be  drunk  with  those  that  have  the  fear  of  God,  and  not 
with  drunken  knaves. 

Evans 
So  Got  udge  me,  that  is  a  virtuous  mind. 

Falstaff 
You   hear  all   these   matters   denied,  gentlemen;   you 
hear  it. 


12  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR        act  i. 

Enter  Anne  Page,  with  wine ;  Mistress  Ford 
and  Mistress  Page,  following 

Page 

Nay,  daughter,  carry  the  wine  in  ;  we'll  drink  within. 

[Exit  Anne  Page. 
Slender 

0  heaven !  this  is  Mistress  Anne  Page. 

Page 

How  now,  Mistress  Ford ! 

Falstaff 
Mistress  Ford,  by  my  troth,  you  are  very  well  met :  by 
your  leave,  good  mistress.  [Kisses  her. 

Page 
Wife,  bid  these  gentlemen  welcome.     Come,  we  have 
a  hot  venison  pasty  to  dinner :  come,  gentlemen,  I  hope 
we  shall  drink  down  all  unkindness. 

[Exeunt  all  except  Shallow,  Slender,  and  .Evans. 

Slender 

1  had  rather  than  forty  shillings  I  had  my  Book  of 
Songs  and  Sonnets  here. 

Enter  Simple 

How  now,  Simple!  where  have  you  been?  I  must  wait 
on  myself,  must  I  ?  You  have  not  the  Book  of  Riddles 
about  you,  have  you? 


"Enter  Anne  Page  with  wine,  Mistress  Ford 
and  Mistress  Page  following" 


sc.  i.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  13 

Simple 

Book  of  Riddles!    why,  did  you  not  lend  it  to  Alice 

Shortcake  upon  All-hallowmas  last,   a  fortnight  afore 

Michaelmas? 

Shallow 

Come,  coz ;  come,  coz  ;  we  stay  for  you.  A  word  with 
you,  coz ;  marry,  this,  coz :  there  is,  as  'twere,  a  tender, 
a  kind  of  tender,  made  afar  off  by  Sir  Hugh  here.     Do 

you  understand  me? 

Slender 

Ay,  sir,  you  shall  find  me  reasonable ;  if  it  be  so,  I  shall 
do  that  that  is  reason. 

Shallow 
Nay,  but  understand  me. 

Slender 
So  I  do,  sir. 

Evans 

Give  ear  to  his  motions,  Master  Slender:  I  will 
description  the  matter  to  you,  if  you  be  capacity  of  it. 

Slender 
Nay,  I  will  do  as  my  cousin  Shallow  says :  I  pray  you, 
pardon   me;    he's   a  justice  of   peace  in  his  country, 
simple  though  I  stand  here. 

Evans 
But  that  is  not  the  question :  the  question  is  concerning 
your  marriage. 


14  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR        act  i. 

Shallow 
Ay,  there's  the  point,  sir. 

Evans 
Marry,  is  it;  the  very  point  of  it;  to  Mistress  Anne 
Page. 

Slender 

Why,  if  it  be  so,  I  will  marry  her  upon  any  reasonable 
demands. 

Evans 

But  can  you  affection  the  'oman  ?  Let  us  command  to 
know  that  of  your  mouth  or  of  your  lips;  for  divers 
philosophers  hold  that  the  lips  is  parcel  of  the  mouth. 
Therefore,  precisely,  can  you  carry  your  good  will  to  the 
maid? 

Shallow 

Cousin  Abraham  Slender,  can  you  love  her? 

Slender 
I  -hope,  sir,  I  will  do  as  it  shall  become  one  that  would 
do  reason. 

Evans 
Nay,  Got's  lords  and  his  ladies !  you  must  speak  possi- 
table,  if  you  can  carry  her  your  desires  towards  her. 

Shallow 
That  you  must.     Will  you,  upon  good  dowry,  marry 
her?   ' 


The  Book  of  Riddles 


sc.  i.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  15 

Slender 
I  will  do  a  greater  thing  than  that,  upon  your  request, 
cousin,  in  any  reason. 

Shallow 
Nay,  conceive  me,  conceive  me,  sweet  coz :  what  I  do  is 
to  pleasure  you,  coz.     Can  you  love  the  maid  ? 

Slender 
I  will  marry  her,  sir,  at  your  request :  but  if  there  be  no 
great  love  in  the  beginning,  yet  heaven  may  decrease  it 
upon  better  acquaintance,  when  we  are  married  and 
have  more  occasion  to  know  one  another ;  I  hope,  upon 
familiarity  will  grow  more  contempt :  but  if  you  say, 
'Marry  her,'  I  will  marry  her;  that  I  am  freely  dis- 
solved, and  dissolutely. 

Evans 
It  is  a  fery  discretion  answer;  save  the  fall  is  in  the  ort 
•dissolutely:'  the  ort  is,  according   to   our  meaning, 
'  resolutely : '  his  meaning  is  good. 

Shallow 
Ay,  I  think  my  cousin  meant  well. 

Slender 
Ay,  or  else  I  would  I  might  be  hanged,  la ! 

Shallow 
Here  comes  fair  Mistress  Anne. 


16  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR        act  i. 

Re-enter  Anne  Page 
Would  I  were  young  for  your  sake,  Mistress  Anne ! 

Anne 
The  dinner  is  on  the  table ;    my  father  desires  your 
worships'  company. 

Shallow 
I  will  wait  on  him,  fair  Mistress  Anne. 

Evans 
Od's  plessed  will !  I  will  not  be  absence  at  the  grace. 

[Exeunt  Shallow  and  Evans. 

Anne 
Will't  please  your  worship  to  come  in,  sir  ? 

Slender 
No,  I  thank  you,  forsooth,  heartily ;  I  am  very  well. 

Anne 
The  dinner  attends  you,  sir. 

Slender 
I  am  not  a-hungry,  I  thank  you,  forsooth.     Go,  sirrah, 
for   all  you    are   my  man,   go  wait   upon   my   cousin 
Shallow.  [Exit  Simple.]  A  justice  of  peace  sometimes 
may  be  beholding  to  his  friend  for  a  man.     I  keep  but 


/  am  not -a  hungry \  I  thank  you  " 


sc.  i.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  17 

three  men  and  a  boy  yet,  till  my  mother  be  dead :  but 
what  though  ?  yet  I  live  like  a  poor  gentleman  born. 

Anne 
I  may  not  go  in  without  your  worship :  they  will  not  sit 
till  you  come. 

Slender 

I'  faith,  I'll  eat  nothing;  I  thank  you  as  much  as  though 
I  did. 

Anne 
I  pray  you,  sir,  walk  in. 

Slender 
I  had  rather  walk  here,  I  thank  you.  I  bruised  my 
shin  th'  other  day  with  playing  at  sword  and  dagger 
with  a  master  of  fence;  three  veneys  for  a  dish  of 
stewed  prunes;  and,  by  my  troth,  I  cannot  abide  the 
smell  of  hot  meat  since.  Why  do  your  dogs  bark  so  ? 
be  there  bears  i'  the  town  ? 

Anne 
I  think  there  are,  sir;  I  heard  them  talked  of. 

Slender 
I  love  the  sport  well ;  but  I  shall  as  soon  quarrel  at  it 
as  any  man  in  England.     You  are  afraid,  if  you  see 
the  bear  loose,  are  you  not  ? 

Anne 
Ay,  indeed,  sir. 


1 8  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR        act  i. 

Slender 
That's  meat  and  drink  to  me,  now.  I  have  seen 
Sackerson  loose  twenty  times,  and  have  taken  him  by 
the  chain ;  but,  I  warrant  you,  the  women  have  so  cried 
and  shrieked  at  it,  that  it  passed  :  but  women,  indeed, 
cannot  abide  'em  ;  they  are  very  ill-favoured  rough 
things. 

Re-enter  Page 

Page 
Come,  gentle  Master  Slender,  come  ;  we  stay  for  you. 

Slender 
I'll  eat  nothing,  I  thank  you,  sir. 

Page 
By  cock  and  pie,  you    shall    not   choose,    sir !    come, 
come. 

Slender 

Nay,  pray  you,  lead  the  way. 

Page 
Come  on,  sir. 

Slender 

Mistress  Anne,  yourself  shall  go  first. 

Anne 
Not  I,  sir ;  pray  you,  keep  on. 


Whydoyom   di  f  be  there  bears 

i  the  town  f  " 


sc.  ii.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  19 

Slender 
Truly,  I  will  not  go  first ;  truly,  la !  I  will  not  do  you 

that  wrong. 

Anne 
I  pray  you,  sir. 

Slender 

I'll  rather  be  unmannerly  than  troublesome.     You  do 
yourself  wrong,  indeed,  la  1  [Exeunt. 


Scene  II 

The  same 

Enter  Sir  Hugh  Evans  and  Simple 

Evans 
Go  your  ways,  and  ask  of  Doctor  Caius's  house  which  is 
the  way  :  and  there  dwells  one  Mistress  Quickly,  which 
is  in  the  manner  of  his  nurse,  or  his  dry  nurse,  or  his 
cook,  or  his  laundry,  his  washer,  and  his  wringer. 

Simple 
Well,  sir. 

Evans 

Nay,  it  is  petter  yet.     Give  her  this  letter  ;  for  it  is  a 
'oman   that    altogether's   acquaintance   with    Mistress 


20  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR        act  i. 

Anne  Page :  and  the  letter  is,  to  desire  and  require 
her  to  solicit  your  master's  desires  to  Mistress  Anne 
Page.  I  pray  you,  be  gone :  I  will  make  an  end  of  my 
dinner;  there's  pippins  and  cheese  to  come.     [Exeunt. 


Scene  III 

A  room  in  the  Garter  Inn 

Enter  Falstaff,  Host,  Bardolph,  Nym,  Pistol, 
and  Robin 

Falstaff 
Mine  host  of  the  Garter  ! 

Host 
What  says  my  bully-rook  ?  speak  scholarly  and  wisely. 

Falstaff 
Truly,    mine   host,    I    must    turn    away   some   of    my 

followers. 

Host 

Discard,  bully  Hercules;  cashier:  let  them  wag;  trot, 

trot. 

Falstaff 

I  sit  at  ten  pounds  a  week. 


£i 


*"  There  s  pippins  and  cheese  to  come  " 


sc.  in.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  21 

Host 
Thou'rt  an  emperor,  Caesar,  Keisar,  and  Pheezar.     I 
will  entertain  Bardolph;  he  shall  draw,  he  shall   tap: 
said  I  well,  bully  Hector? 

Falstaff 
Do  so,  good  mine  host. 

Host 
I  have  spoke;  let  him  follow.  [To  Bardolph]  Let  me  see 
thee  froth  and  lime :  I  am  at  a  word ;  follow.        [Exit. 

Falstaff 
Bardolph,  follow  him.     A  tapster  is  a  good  trade:  an 
old  cloak  makes   a  new  jerkin;   a   withered   serving- 
man  a  fresh  tapster.     Go ;  adieu. 

Bardolph 
It  is  a  life  that  I  have  desired :  I  will  thrive. 

Pistol 

0  base  Hungarian  wight  1  wilt  thou  the  spigot  wield  ? 

[Exit  Bardolph. 
Nym 

He  was  gotten  in  drink :  is  not  the  humour  conceited  ? 

Falstaff 

1  am  glad  I  am  so  acquit  of  this  tinder-box :  his  thefts 
were  too  open ;  his  filching  was  like  an  unskilful  singer ; 
he  kept  not  time. 


22  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  i. 

Nym 
The  good  humour  is  to  steal  at  a  minute's  rest. 

Pistol 
'  Convey,'  the  wise  it  call.     '  Steal ! '  foh !  a  fico  for  the 
phrase ! 

Falstaff 

Well,  sirs,  I  am  almost  out  at  heels. 

Pistol 
Why,  then,  let  kibes  ensue. 

Falstaff 
There  is  no  remedy;  I  must  cony-catch;  I  must  shift. 

Pistol 
Young  ravens  must  have  food. 

Falstaff 
Which  of  you  know  Ford  of  this  town  ? 

Pistol 
I  ken  the  wight :  he  is  of  substance  good. 

Falstaff 
My  honest  lads,  I  will  tell  you  what  I  am  about. 

Pistol 
Two  yards,  and  more. 


Enter Falstafft  Pistol,  Nym  and Bardolph" 


sc.  in.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  23 

Falstaff 
No  quips  now,  Pistol !  Indeed,  I  am  in  the  waist  two 
yards  about;  but  I  am  now  about  no  waste;  I  am 
about  thrift.  Briefly,  I  do  mean  to  make  love  to  Ford's 
wife:  I  spy  entertainment  in  her;  she  discourses,  she 
carves,  she  gives  the  leer  of  invitation :  I  can  construe 
the  action  of  her  familiar  style ;  and  the  hardest  voice 
of  her  behaviour,  to  be  Englished  rightly,  is,  '  I  am  Sir 
John  Falstaff's.' 

Pistol 
He  hath  studied  her  will,  and  translated  her  will,  out  of 
honesty  into  English. 

Nym 
The  anchor  is  deep :  will  that  humour  pass  ? 

Falstaff 
Now,   the   report   goes   she   has   all   the    rule   of   her 
husband's  purse ;  he  hath  a  legion  of  angels. 

Pistol 
As  many  devils  entertain;  and  'To  her,  boy,'  say  I. 

Nym 
The  humour  rises ;  it  is  good :  humour  me  the  angels. 

Falstaff 
I  have  writ  me  here  a  letter  to  her:  and  here  another 
to  Page's  wife,  who  even  now  gave  me  good  eyes  too, 


24  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR        act  i. 

examined  my  parts  with  most  judicious  ceillades ;  some- 
times the  beam  of  her  view  gilded  my  foot,  sometimes 
my  portly  belly. 

Pistol 
Then  did  the  sun  on  dunghill  shine. 

Nym 
I  thank  thee  for  that  humour. 

Falstaff 
O,  she  did  so  course  o'er  my  exteriors  with  such  a 
greedy  intention,  that  the  appetite  of  her  eye  did  seem 
to  scorch  me  up  like  a  burning-glass !  Here's  another 
letter  to  her :  she  bears  the  purse  too ;  she  is  a  region 
in  Guiana,  all  gold  and  bounty.  I  will  be  cheater  to 
them  both,  and  they  shall  be  exchequers  to  me;  they 
shall  be  my  East  and  West  Indies,  and  I  will  trade  to 
them  both.  Go  bear  thou  this  letter  to  Mistress  Page ; 
and  thou  this  to  Mistress  Ford  :  we  will  thrive,  lads,  we 
will  thrive. 

Pistol 
Shall  I  Sir  Pandarus  of  Troy  become, 
And  by  my  side  wear  steel  ?  then,  Lucifer  take  all ! 

Nym 
I  will  run  no  base  humour:   here,  take  the  humour- 
letter  :  I  will  keep  the  haviour  of  reputation. 


This  letter  to  Mistress  Page  and thor.  this 
to  Mistress  Ford ' 


sc.  in.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  25 

Falstaff 
\To  Robin]  Hold,  sirrah,  bear  you  these  letters  tightly  ; 
Sail  like  my  pinnace  to  these  golden  shores. 
Rogues,  hence,  avaunt !  vanish  like  hailstones,  go ; 
Trudge,  plod  away  o'  the  hoof ;  seek  shelter,  pack ! 
Falstaff  will  learn  the  humour  of  the  age, 
French  thrift,  you  rogues;  myself  and  skirted  page. 

\Exeunt  Falstaff  and  Robin. 

Pistol 
Let  vultures   gripe   thy   guts!    for   gourd  and  fullam 
holds, 

And  high  and  low  beguiles  the  rich  and  poor : 
Tester  I'll  have  in  pouch  when  thou  shalt  lack, 
Base  Phrygian  Turk ! 

Nym 
I  have  operations  which  be  humours  of  revenge. 

Pistol 
Wilt  thou  revenge? 

Nym 
By  welkin  and  her  star ! 

Pistol 
With  wit  or  steel  ? 

Nym 
With  both  the  humours,  I : 
I  will  discuss  the  humour  of  this  love  to  Page. 


26  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR        act  i. 

Pistol 
And  I  to  Ford  shall  eke  unfold, 

How  Falstaff,  varlet  vile, 
His  dove  will  prove,  his  gold  will  hold, 

And  his  soft  couch  defile. 

Nym 
My  humour  shall  not  cool :  I  will  incense  Page  to  deal 
with  poison ;  I  will  possess  him  with  yellowness,  for  the 
revolt  of  mine  is  dangerous :  that  is  my  true  humour. 

Pistol 
Thou  art  the  Mars  of  malecontents :   I   second  thee; 
troop  on.  [Exeunt. 


Scene  IV 

A  room  in  Doctor  Caius's  house 

Enter  Mistress  Quickly,  Simple,  and  Rugby 

Quickly 
What,  John  Rugby  1     I  pray  thee,  go  to  the  casement, 
and  see  if  you  can  see  my  master,  Master  Doctor  Caius, 
coming.     If  he  do,  i'  faith,  and  find  any  body  in  the 


Exeunt  I'alstaff  and  Rodin  " 


sc.  iv.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  27 

house,  here  will  be  an  old  abusing  of  God's  patience 
and  the  king's  English. 

Rugby 
I'll  go  watch. 

Quickly 

Go,  and  we'll  have  a  posset  for 't  soon  at  night,  in  faith, 
at  the  latter  end  of  a  sea-coal  fire.  [Exit  Rugby.]  An 
honest,  willing,  kind  fellow,  as  ever  servant  shall  come 
in  house  withal,  and,  I  warrant  you,  no  tell-tale  nor  no 
breed-bate :  his  worst  fault  is,  that  he  is  given  to  prayer ; 
he  is  something  peevish  that  way :  but  nobody  but  has 
his  fault;  but  let  that  pass.  Peter  Simple,  you  say 
your  name  is  ? 

Simple 

Ay,  for  fault  of  a  better. 

Quickly 
And  Master  Slender's  your  master  ? 

Simple 
Ay,  forsooth. 

Quickly 

Does  he  not  wear  a  great  round  beard,  like  a  glover's 
paring-knife  ? 

Simple 

No,  forsooth:  he  hath  but  a  little  wee  face,  with  a  little 
yellow  beard,  a  Cain-coloured  beard. 

Quickly 
A  softly-sprighted  man,  is  he  not? 


28  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  i. 

Simple 
Ay,  forsooth  :  but  he  is  as  tall  a  man  of  his  hands  as 
any  is  between  this  and  his  head  ;  he  hath  fought  with 
a  warrener. 

Quickly 
How  say  you  ?     O,  I  should  remember  him  :  does  he 
not  hold  up  his  head,  as  it  were,  and  strut  in  his  gait  ? 

Simple 
Yes,  indeed,  does  he. 

Quickly 
Well,  heaven  send  Anne  Page  no  worse  fortune  !     Tell 
Master   Parson  Evans  I  will  do  what  I  can  for  your 
master  :  Anne  is  a  good  girl,  and  I  wish 

Re-enter  Rugby 

Rugby 
Out,  alas !  here  comes  my  master. 

Quickly 
We  shall  all  be  shent.  Run  in  here,  good  young  man ; 
go  into  this  closet :  he  will  not  stay  long.  [Shuts  Simple 
in  the  closet.']  What,  John  Rugby  !  John  !  what,  John, 
I  say!  Go,  John,  go  inquire  for  my  master;  I  doubt 
he  be  not  well,  that  he  comes  not  home. 

[Singing]  And  down,  down,  adown-a,  &c. 


"  Does  he  not  hold  up  his  head,  as  it  war  f 
and  strut  in  his  gait  t  " 


sc.  iv.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  29 

Enter  Doctor  Caius 

Caius 
Vat  is  you  sing  ?     I  do  not  like  des  toys.     Pray  you, 
go  and  vetch  me  in  my  closet  un  boitier  vert,  a  box, 
a  green-a  box  :  do  intend  vat  I  speak  ?  a  green-a  box. 

Quickly 
Ay,  forsooth;  I'll  fetch  it  you.  [Aside]  I  am  glad  he 
went  not  in  himself:  if  he  had  found  the  young  man, 
he  would  have  been  horn-mad. 

Caius 
Fe,  fe,  fe,  fe  1  ma  foi,  il  fait  fort  chaud.     Je  m'en  vais 
a  la  cour — la  grande  affaire. 

Quickly 

Is  it  this,  sir  ? 

Caius 

Oui ;  mette  le  au  mon  pocket :  depeche,  quickly.     Vere 
is  dat  knave  Rugby  ? 

Quickly 
What,  John  Rugby  !     John  1 

Rugby 

Here,  sir ! 

Caius 

You  are  John  Rugby,  and  you  are  Jack  Rugby.     Come, 
take-a  your  rapier,  and  come  after  my  heel  to  the  court. 


30  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  i. 

Rugby 
'Tis  ready,  sir,  here  in  the  porch. 

Caius 
By  my  trot,  I  tarry  too  long.     Od's  me !     Qu'ai-j'oublie  ! 
dere  is  some  simples  in  my  closet,  dat  I  vill  not  for  the 
varld  I  shall  leave  behind. 

Quickly 
Ay  me,  he'll  find  the  young  man  there,  and  be  mad ! 

Caius 

0  diable,  diable!  vat  is  in  my  closet?     Villain!  larron! 
[Pulling  Simple  out.']  Rugby,  my  rapier  ! 

Quickly 
Good  master,  be  content. 

Caius 
Wherefore  shall  I  be  content-a? 

Quickly 
The  young  man  is  an  honest  man. 

Caius 
What  shall  de  honest  man  do  in  my  closet?  dere  is  no 
honest  man  dat  shall  come  in  my  closet. 

Quickly 

1  beseech  you,  be  not  so  phlegmatic.     Hear  the  truth  of 
it :  he  came  of  an  errand  to  me  from  Parson  Hugh, 


Villain  !  larron  !  "    [Pulling  Simple  out] 


sc.  iv.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  31 

Caius 

Veil. 

Simple 

Ay,  forsooth ;  to  desire  her  to — 

Quickly 

Peace,  I  pray  you. 

Caius 

Peace-a  your  tongue.     Speak-a  your  tale. 

Simple 
To  desire  this  honest  gentlewoman,  your  maid,  to  speak 
a  good  word  to  Mistress  Anne  Page  for  my  master  in 
the  way  of  marriage. 

Quickly 
This  is  all,  indeed,  la !  but  I'll  ne'er  put  my  ringer  in 
the  fire,  and  need  not. 

Caius 
Sir  Hugh  send-a  you?     Rugby,  bailie  me  some  paper. 
Tarry  you  a  little  a- while.  [  Writes. 

Quickly 
[Aside  to  Simple]  I  am  glad  he  is  so  quiet :  if  he  had 
been  throughly  moved,  you  should  have  heard  him 
so  loud  and  so  melancholy.  But  notwithstanding,  man, 
I'll  do  you  your  master  what  good  I  can :  and  the  very 
yea  and  the  no  is,  the  French  doctor,  my  master, — 


32  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  i. 

I  may  call  him  my  master,  look  you,  for  I  keep  his 
house ;  and  I  wash,  wring,  brew,  bake,  scour,  dress  meat 
and  drink,  make  the  beds,  and  do  all  myself, — 

Simple 
[Aside  to  Quickly]  'Tis  a  great  charge  to  come  under 
one  body's  hand. 

Quickly 

[Aside  to  Simple]  Are  you  avised  o'  that?  you  shall 
find  it  a  great  charge:  and  to  be  up  early  and  down 
late;  but  notwithstanding, — to  tell  you  in  your  ear;  I 
would  have  no  words  of  it, — my  master  himself  is  in 
love  with  Mistress  Anne  Page:  but  notwithstanding 
that,  I  know  Anne's  mind, — that's  neither  here  nor 
there. 

Caius 

You  jack'nape,  give-a  this  letter  to  Sir  Hugh ;  by  gar,  it  is 
a  shallenge :  I  will  cut  his  troat  in  de  park ;  and  I  will 
teach  a  scurvy  jack-a-nape  priest  to  meddle  or  make. 
You  may  be  gone ;  it  is  not  good  you  tarry  here.  By 
gar,  I  will  cut  all  his  two  stones;  by  gar,  he  shall  not 
have  a  stone  to  throw  at  his  dog.  [Exit  Simple. 

Quickly 
Alas,  he  speaks  but  for  his  friend. 

Caius 
It  is  no  matter-a  ver  dat :    do  not  you  tell-a  me  dat 
I  shall  have  Anne  Page  for  myself?     By  gar,  I  vill  kill 
de  Jack  priest;  and  I  have  appointed  mine  host  of  de 


//.  wring and  do  all  myself " 


sc.  iv.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  33 

Jarteer  to  measure  our  weapon.      By  gar,  I  will  myself 

have  Anne  Page. 

Quickly 

Sir,  the  maid  loves  you,   and  all  shall  be  well.     We 
must  give  folks  leave  to  prate :  what,  the  good-jer  1 

Caius 
Rugby,  come  to  the  court  with  me.     By  gar,  if  I  have 
not  Anne  Page,  I  shall  turn  your  head  out  of  my  door. 
Follow  my  heels,  Rugby.      [Exeunt  Caius  and  Rugby. 

Quickly 
You  shall  have  An  fool's-head  of  your  own.     No,  I 
know  Anne's  mind  for  that :  never  a  woman  in  Windsor 
knows  more  of  Anne's  mind  than   I   do;   nor  can  do 
more  than  I  do  with  her,  I  thank  heaven. 

Fenton 
\Within\  Who's  within  there?  oh! 

Quickly 
Who's  there,   I  trow!     Come  near  the  house,  I  pray 
you. 

Enter  Fenton 

Fenton 
How  now,  good  woman !  how  dost  thou  ? 

Quickly 
The  better  that  it  pleases  your  good  worship  to  ask. 


34  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  i. 

Fenton 
What  news  ?  how  does  pretty  Mistress  Anne  ? 

Quickly 
In  truth,  sir,  and  she  is  pretty,  and  honest,  and  gentle; 
and  one  that  is  your  friend,  I  can  tell  you  that  by  the 
way;   I  pray  heaven  for  it. 

Fenton 
Shall  I  do  any  good,  thinkest  thou?  shall  I  not  lose  my 
suit? 

Quickly 

Troth,  sir,  all  is  in  his  hands  above:  but  notwith- 
standing, Master  Fenton,  I'll  be  sworn  on  a  book,  she 
loves  you.  Have  not  your  worship  a  wart  above  your 
eye? 

Fenton 

Yes,  marry,  have  I ;  what  of  that  ? 

Quickly 
Well,  thereby  hangs  a  tale:  good  faith,  it  is  such 
another  Nan;  but,  I  detest,  an  honest  maid  as  ever 
broke  bread :  we  had  an  hour's  talk  of  that  wart. 
I  shall  never  laugh  but  in  that  maid's  company !  But 
indeed  she  is  given  too  much  to  allicholy  and  musing : 
but  for  you — well,  go  to. 

Fenton 
Well,  I  shall  see  her  to-day.     Hold,  there's  money  for 


"  Have  not  your  worship  a  wart  above  your  eye  ?  " 


SC.    IV. 


MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR 


35 


thee;    let  me  have  thy  voice  in   my  behalf:    if  thou 
seest  her  before  me,  commend  me. 

Quickly 
Will    I?    i'   faith,   that  we  will;  and    I  will  tell  your 
worship  more  of  the  wart  the  next  time  we  have  confi- 
dence ;  and  of  other  wooers. 

Fenton 
Well,  farewell ;  I  am  in  great  haste  now. 

Quickly 
Farewell  to  your  worship.    [Exit  Fenton.]   Truly,  an 
honest  gentleman  :  but  Anne  loves  him  not ;  for  I  know 
Anne's  mind  as  well  as  another  does.      Out  upon  't  I 
what  have  I  forgot?  [Exit. 


£,§»  ViJC^^V?^^^^,^ 


»w*ss 


Scene  I 

Before  Page's  house 

Enter  Mistress  Page,  with  a  letter 

Mrs.  Page 
What,  have  I  'scaped  love-letters  in  the  holiday-time  of 
my  beauty,  and  am  I  now  a  subject  for  them  ?     Let  me 
see.  [Reads. 

'  Ask  me  no  reason  why  I  love  you ;  for  though  Love 
use  Reason  for  his  physician,  he  admits  him  not  for  his 
counsellor.  You  are  not  young,  no  more  am  I ;  go  to 
then,  there's  sympathy :  you  are  merry,  so  am  I ;  ha,  ha  ! 

37 


38  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  ii. 

then  there 's  more  sympathy :  you  love  sack,  and  so  do  I ; 
would  you  desii'e  better  sympathy  ?  Let  it  suffice  thee, 
Mistress  Page, — at  the  least,  if  the  love  of  soldier  can 
suffice — that  I  love  thee.  I  will  not  say,  pity  me ;  'tis 
not  a  soldier-like  phrase :  but  I  say  love  me.     By  me, 

Thine  own  true  knight, 

By  day  or  night, 

Or  any  kind  of  light, 

With  all  his  might 

For  thee  to  fight,        John  Falstaff  ' 

What  a  Herod  of  Jewry  is  this !  O  wicked,  wicked 
world !  One  that  is  well-nigh  worn  to  pieces  with  age 
to  show  himself  a  young  gallant !  What  an  unweighed 
behaviour  hath  this  Flemish  drunkard  picked — with 
the  devil's  name  ! — out  of  my  conversation,  that  he 
dares  in  this  manner  assay  me?  Why,  he  hath  not 
been  thrice  in  my  company!  What  should  I  say  to 
him?  I  was  then  frugal  of  my  mirth:  Heaven  forgive 
me !  Why,  I'll  exhibit  a  bill  in  the  parliament  for  the 
putting  down  of  men.  How  shall  I  be  revenged  on 
him?  for  revenged  I  will  be,  as  sure  as  his  guts  are 
made  of  puddings. 

Enter  Mistress  Ford 

Mrs.  Ford 
Mistress  Page  !  trust  me,  I  was  going  to  your  house. 


sc.  i.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  39 

Mrs.  Page 
And,  trust  me,  I  was  coming  to  you.     You  look  very 
ill. 

Mrs.  Ford 

Nay,  I'll  ne'er  believe  that;  I  have  to  show  to  the 
contrary. 

Mrs.  Page 

Faith,  but  you  do,  in  my  mind. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Well,  I  do  then;  yet  I  say  I  could  show  you  to  the 
contrary.     O  Mistress  Page,  give  me  some  counsel  1 

Mrs.  Page 
What's  the  matter,  woman  ? 

Mrs.  Ford 

0  woman,  if  it  were  not  for  one  trifling  respect,  I  could 
come  to  such  honour  ! 

Mrs.  Page 
Hang  the  trifle,  woman  !  take  the  honour.     What  is  it  ? 
dispense  with  trifles  ;  what  is  it  ? 

Mrs.  Ford 
If  I  would  but  go  to  hell  for  an  eternal  moment  or  so, 

1  could  be  knighted. 

Mrs.  Page 

What?  thou  liest  1  Sir  Alice  Ford  !  These  knights  will 
hack  ;  and  so  thou  shouldst  not  alter  the  article  of  thy 
gentry. 


40  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  ii. 

Mrs.  Ford 
We  burn  daylight :  here,  read,  read ;  perceive  how  I 
might  be  knighted.  I  shall  think  the  worse  of  fat  men, 
as  long  as  I  have  an  eye  to  make  difference  of  men's 
liking :  and  yet  he  would  not  swear ;  praised  women's 
modesty ;  and  gave  such  orderly  and  well-behaved 
reproof  to  all  uncomeliness,  that  I  would  have  sworn 
his  disposition  would  have  gone  to  the  truth  of  his 
words  ;  but  they  do  no  more  adhere  and  keep  place 
together  than  the  Hundredth  Psalm  to  the  tune  of '  Green 
Sleeves.'  What  tempest,  I  trow,  threw  this  whale, 
with  so  many  tuns  of  oil  in  his  belly,  ashore  at  Windsor  ? 
How  shall  I  be  revenged  on  him  ?  I  think  the  best 
way  were  to  entertain  him  with  hope,  till  the  wicked  fire 
of  lust  have  melted  him  in  his  own  grease.  Did  you 
ever  hear  the  like? 

Mrs.  Page 
Letter  for  letter,  but  that  the  name  of  Page  and  Ford 
differs  !  To  thy  great  comfort  in  this  mystery  of  ill 
opinions,  here's  the  twin-brother  of  thy  letter :  but  let 
thine  inherit  first;  for,  I  protest,  mine  never  shall.  I 
warrant  he  hath  a  thousand  of  these  letters,  writ  with 
blank  space  for  different  names, — sure,  more, — and 
these  are  of  the  second  edition  :  he  will  print  them,  out 
of  doubt ;  for  he  cares  not  what  he  puts  into  the  press, 
when  he  would  put  us  two.  I  had  rather  be  a  giantess, 
and  lie  under  Mount  Pelion.  Well,  I  will  find  you 
twenty  lascivious  turtles  ere  one  chaste  man. 


Heres  the  twin  brother  of  thy  letter9 


sc.  i.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  41 

Mrs.  Ford 
Why,  this  is  the  very  same  ;  the  very  hand,  the  very 
words.     What  doth  he  think  of  us  ? 

Mrs.  Page 
Nay,  I  know  not :  it  makes  me  almost  ready  to  wrangle 
with  mine  own  honesty.  I'll  entertain  myself  like  one 
that  I  am  not  acquainted  withal ;  for,  sure,  unless  he 
know  some  strain  in  me,  that  I  know  not  myself,  he 
would  never  have  boarded  me  in  this  fury. 

Mrs.  Ford 
1  Boarding,'  call  you  it  ?    I'll  be  sure  to  keep  him  above 
deck. 

Mrs.  Page 

So  will  I :  if  he  come  under  my  hatches,  I'll  never  to 
sea  again.  Let's  be  revenged  on  him  :  let's  appoint  him 
a  meeting;  give  him  a  show  of  comfort  in  his  suit  and 
lead  him  on  with  a  fine-baited  delay,  till  he  hath  pawned 
his  horses  to  mine  host  of  the  Garter. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Nay,  I  will  consent  to  act  any  villany  against  him,  that 
may  not  sully  the  chariness  of  our  honesty.     O,  that 
my  husband  saw  this  letter  1  it  would  give  eternal  food 
to  his  jealousy. 

Mrs.  Page 

Why,  look  where  he  comes;  and  my  good  man  too: 
he's  as  far  from  jealousy  as  I  am  from  giving  him 
cause  ;  and  that  I  hope  is  an  unmeasurable  distance. 


44  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  ii. 

Page 
I  never  heard  such  a  drawling,  affecting  rogue. 

Ford 
If  I  do  find  it :  well. 

Page 
I  will  not  believe  such  a  Cataian,  though  the  priest  o' 
the  town  commended  him  for  a  true  man. 

Ford 
'Twas  a  good  sensible  fellow :  well. 

Page 
How  now,  Meg ! 

[Mrs.  Page  and  Mrs.  Ford  come  forward. 

Mrs    Page 
Whither  go  you,  George?     Hark  you. 

Mrs.  Ford 
How  now,  sweet  Frank !  why  art  thou  melancholy  ? 

Ford 
I  melancholy!  I  am  not  melancholy.     Get  you  home, 

g°- 

Mrs.  Ford 

Faith,  thou  hast  some   crotchets  in   thy  head.     Now, 
will  you  go,  Mistress  Page  ? 


"  Go  in  "with  us,  and  see 


sc.  i.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  45 

Mrs.  Page 
Have   with    you.     You'll    come    to  -dinner,    George. 
[Aside  to  Mrs.  Ford]  Look  who  comes  yonder :  she 
shall  be  our  messenger  to  this  paltry  knight. 

Mrs.  Ford 
[Aside  to  Mrs.  Page]  Trust   me,  I  thought   on   her: 
she'll  fit  it. 

Enter  Mistress  Quickly 

Mrs.  Page 
You  are  come  to  see  my  daughter  Anne? 

Quickly 
Ay,  forsooth;  and,  I    pray,  how   does   good    Mistress 

Anne? 

Mrs.  Page 

Go  in  with  us  and  see :  we  have  an  hour's  talk  with 
you. 

[Exeunt  Mrs.  Page,  Mrs.  Ford,  and  Mrs.  Quickly. 

Page 
How  now,  Master  Ford  1 

Ford 
You  heard  what  this  knave  told  me,  did  you  not? 

Page 
Yes  :  and  you  heard  what  the  other  told  me  ? 


46  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  ii. 

Ford 
Do  you  think  there  is  truth  in  them  ? 

Page 
Hang  'em,  slaves  !     I  do  not  think  the  knight  would 
offer  it :  but  these  that  accuse  him  in  his  intent  towards 
our  wives  are  a  yoke  of  his  discarded  men,  very  rogues, 
now  they  be  out  of  service. 

Ford 
Were  they  his  men  ? 

Page 
Marry,  were  they. 

Ford 

I  like  it  never  the  better  for  that.  Does  he  lie  at  the 
Garter  ? 

Page 

Ay,  marry,  does  he.  If  he  should  intend  this  voyage 
towards  my  wife,  I  would  turn  her  loose  to  him ;  and 
what  he  gets  more  of  her  than  sharp  words,  let  it  lie 
on  my  head. 

Ford 

I  do  not  misdoubt  my  wife ;  but  I  would  be  loath  to 
turn  them  together.  A  man  may  be  too  confident :  I 
would  have  nothing  lie  on  my  head  :  I  cannot  be  thus 
satisfied. 

Page 

Look  where  my  ranting  host  of  the  Garter  comes  ; 
there  is  either  liquor  in  his  pate  or  money  in  his  purse 
when  he  looks  so  merrily. 


sc.  I.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  47 

Enter  Host 

How  now,  mine  host ! 

Host 
How  now,  bully-rook !  thou'rt  a  gentleman.     Cavaleiro- 
justice,  I  say! 

Enter  Shallow 

Shallow 
I  follow,  mine  host,  I  follow.     Good  even  and  twenty, 
good   Master  Page!     Master  Page,  will  you   go   with 
us?  we  have  sport  in  hand. 

Host 
Tell  him,  cavaleiro-justice ;  tell  him,  bully-rook. 

Shallow 
Sir,  there  is  a  fray  to  be  fought  between  Sir  Hugh  the 
Welsh  priest  and  Caius  the  French  doctor. 

Ford 
Good  mine  host  o'  the  Garter,  a  word  with  you. 

[Drawing  him  aside. 

Host 
What  sayest  thou,  my  bully-rook  ? 

Shallow 
[To  Page]  Will  you  go  with  us   to   behold    it?     My 
merry  host  hath  had  the  measuring  of  their  weapons ; 


48  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  ii. 

and,  I  think,  hath  appointed  them  contrary  places ;  for, 
believe  me,  I  hear  the  parson  is  no  jester.  Hark  !  I 
will  tell  you  what  our  sport  shall  be. 

\They  converse  apai't. 
Host 
Hast  thou  no  suit  against  my  knight,  my  guest-cavaleire  ? 

Ford 
None,  I  protest:   but  I'll   give  you  a  pottle  of   burnt 
sack  to  give  me  recourse  to  him  and  tell  him  my  name 
is  Brook  ;  only  for  a  jest. 

Host 
My  hand,  bully ;  thou  shalt  have  egress  and  regress ; 
— said  I  well  ? — and  thy  name  shall  be  Brook.     It  is  a 
merry  knight.     Will  you  go,  An-heires  ? 

Shallow 
Have  with  you,  mine  host. 

Page 
I    have   heard  the  Frenchman  hath  good  skill  in   his 

rapier. 

Shallow 

Tut,  sir,  I  could  have  told  you  more.  In  these  times 
vou  stand  on  distance,  your  passes,  stoccadoes,  and  I 
know  not  what:  'tis  the  heart,  Master  Page;  'tis  here, 
'tis  here.  I  have  seen  the  time,  with  my  long  sword  I 
would  have  made  you  four  tall  fellows  skip  like  rats. 


"  How  How,  sweet  Frank!  zvky  art  thou 
melancholy  ?  " 


sc.  ii.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  49 

Host 
Here,  boys,  here,  here  !  shall  we  wag  ? 

Page 
Have  with  you.     I  had  rather  hear  them    scold  than 
fight.  \Exettnt  Host,  Shallow,  and  Page. 

Ford 
Though  Page  be  a  secure  fool,  and  stands  so  firmly  on 
his  wife's  frailty,  yet  I  cannot  put  off  my  opinion  so 
easily :  she  was  in  his  company  at  Page's  house ;  and 
what  they  made  there,  I  know  not.  Well,  I  will  look 
further  into  't :  and  I  have  a  disguise  to  sound  Falstafif. 
If  I  find  her  honest,  I  lose  not  my  labour;  if  she  be 
otherwise,  'tis  labour  well  bestowed.  [Exit. 


Scene  II 
A  room  in  the  Garter  Inn 

Enter  Falstaff  and  Pistol 

Falstaff 
I  will  not  lend  thee  a  penny. 

Pistol 
Why,  then  the  world's  mine  oyster, 
Which  I  with  sword  will  open. 


50  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  ii. 

Falstaff 
Not  a  penny.  I  have  been  content,  sir,  you  should  lay 
my  countenance  to  pawn :  I  have  grated  upon  my 
good  friends  for  three  reprieves  for  you  and  your  coach- 
fellow  Nym ;  or  else  you  had  looked  through  the 
grate,  like  a  geminy  of  baboons.  I  am  damned  in  hell 
for  swearing  to  gentlemen  my  friends,  you  were  good 
soldiers  and  tall  fellows ;  and  when  Mrs.  Bridget  lost 
the  handle  of  her  fan,  I  took  't  upon  mine  honour  thou 
hadst  it  not. 

Pistol 
Didst  not  thou  share  ?  hadst  thou  not  fifteen  pence  ? 

Falstaff 
Reason,  you  rogue,  reason  :  thinkest  thou  I'll  endanger 
my  soul  gratis  ?  At  a  word,  hang  no  more  about  me, 
I  am  no  gibbet  for  you.  Go.  A  short  knife  and  a 
throng !  To  your  manor  of  Pickthatch !  Go.  You'll 
not  bear  a  letter  for  me,  you  rogue !  you  stand  upon 
your  honour.  Why,  thou  unconfinable  baseness,  it  is  as 
much  as  I  can  do  to  keep  the  terms  of  my  honour 
precise  :  I,  I,  I  myself  sometimes,  leaving  the  fear  of 
God  on  the  left  hand  and  hiding  mine  honour  in  my 
necessity,  am  fain  to  shuffle,  to  hedge  and  to  lurch  ; 
and  yet  you,  rogue,  will  ensconce  your  rags,  your  cat-a- 
mountain  looks,  your  red-lattice  phrases,  and  your  bold- 
beating  oaths,  under  the  shelter  of  your  honour !  You 
will  not  do  it,  you  ! 


u  When  Mrs.  Bridget  lost  the  handle  of  her  fan 


sc.  ii.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  51 

Pistol 
I  do  relent :  what  would  thou  more  of  man  ? 

Enter  Robin 

Robin 
Sir,  here's  a  woman  would  speak  with  you. 

Falstaff 
Let  her  approach. 

Enter  Mistress  Quickly 

Quickly 
Give  your  worship  good  morrow. 

Falstaff 
Good  morrow,  good  wife. 

Quickly 
Not  so,  an  't  please  your  worship. 

Falstaff 
Good  maid,  then. 

Quickly 
I'll  be  sworn, 
As  my  mother  was,  the  first  hour  I  was  born. 

Falstaff 
I  do  believe  the  swearer.     What  with  me  ? 


52  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  ii. 

Quickly 
Shall  I  vouchsafe  your  worship  a  word  or  two  ? 

Falstaff 
Two  thousand,   fair  woman :  and    I'll  vouchsafe  thee 
the  hearing. 

Quickly 

There  is  one  Mistress  Ford,  sir : — I  pray,  come  a  little 
nearer  this  ways  : — I  myself  dwell  with  Master  Doctor 
Caius, — 

Falstaff 

Well,  on  :  Mistress  Ford,  you  say, — 

Quickly 
Your  worship   says   very  true:  I    pray  your  worship, 
come  a  little  nearer  this  ways. 

Falstaff 
I  warrant  thee,  nobody  hears ;  mine  own  people,  mine 
own  people. 

Quickly 

Are  they  so  ?  God  bless  them  and  make  them  his 
servants ! 

Falstaff 

Well,  Mistress  Ford;  what  of  her? 

Quickly 
Why,  sir,  she's  a  good    creature.     Lord,    Lord !  your 
worship's  a  wanton !     Well,  heaven  forgive  you  and  all 
of  us,  I  pray ! 


sc.  ii.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  53 

Falstaff 
Mistress  Ford;  come,  Mistress  Ford, — 

Quickly 
Marry,  this  is  the  short  and  the  long  of  it ;  you  have 
brought  her  into  such  a  canaries  as  'tis  wonderful.  The 
best  courtier  of  them  all,  when  the  court  lay  at 
Windsor,  could  never  have  brought  her  to  such  a 
canary.  Yet  there  has  been  knights,  and  lords,  and 
gentlemen,  with  their  coaches,  I  warrant  you,  coach 
after  coach,  letter  after  letter,  gift  after  gift ;  smelling 
so  sweetly,  all  musk,  and  so  rushling,  I  warrant  you,  in 
silk  and  gold ;  and  in  such  alligant  terms ;  and  in  such 
wine  and  sugar  of  the  best  and  the  fairest,  that  would 
have  won  any  woman's  heart ;  and,  I  warrant  you,  they 
could  never  get  an  eye-wink  of  her:  I  had  myself 
twenty  angels  given  me  this  morning;  but  I  defy  all 
angels,  in  any  such  sort,  as  they  say,  but  in  the  way  of 
honesty :  and,  I  warrant  you,  they  could  never  get  her 
so  much  as  sip  on  a  cup  with  the  proudest  of  them  all : 
and  yet  there  has  been  earls,  nay,  which  is  more, 
pensioners ;  but,  I  warrant  you,  all  is  one  with  her. 

Falstaff 
But   what  says    she    to    me;  be  brief,  my  good  she- 
Mercury. 

Quickly 

Marry,  she  hath  received  your  letter,  for  the  which  she 
thanks  you  a  thousand  times;  and  she  gives  you    to 


54  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  ii. 

notify  that  her  husband  will  be  absence  from  his  house 
between  ten  and  eleven. 

Falstaff 
Ten  and  eleven? 

Quickly 

Ay,  forsooth;  and  then  you  may  come  and  see  the 
picture,  she  says,  that  you  wot  of:  Master  Ford,  her 
husband,  will  be  from  home.  Alas!  the  sweet  woman 
leads  an  ill  life  with  him :  he's  a  very  jealousy  man : 
she  leads  a  very  frampold  life  with  him,  good  heart. 

Falstaff 
Ten  and  eleven.     Woman,  commend  me  to  her;  I  will 
not  fail  her. 

Quickly 

Why,  you  say  well.  But  I  have  another  messenger  to 
your  worship.  Mistress  Page  hath  her  hearty  com- 
mendations to  you  too :  and  let  me  tell  you  in  your  ear, 
she's  as  fartuous  a  civil  modest  wife,  and  one,  I  tell  you, 
that  will  not  miss  you  morning  nor  evening  prayer,  as 
any  is  in  Windsor,  whoe'er  be  the  other :  and  she  bade 
me  tell  your  worship  that  her  husband  is  seldom  from 
home;  but  she  hopes  there  will  come  a  time.  I  never 
knew  a  woman  so  dote  upon  a  man :  surely  I  think  you 
have  charms,  la ;  yes,  in  truth. 

Falstaff 
Not  I,  I  assure  thee:  setting  the  attraction  of  my  good 
parts  aside  I  have  no  other  charms. 


■  ••.'la. 


Marry,  this  u  the  short  and  the  long  of  u 


sc.  ii.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  55 

Quickly 
Blessing  on  your  heart  for  't ! 

Falstaff 
But,   I   pray  thee  tell  me  this:  has   Ford's   wife   and 
Page's  wife  acquainted  each  other  how  they  love  me? 

Quickly 
That  were  a  jest  indeed !  they  have  not  so  little  grace,  I 
hope :  that  were  a  trick  indeed !  But  Mistress  Page 
would  desire  you  to  send  her  your  little  page,  of  all 
loves:  her  husband  has  a  marvellous  infection  to  the 
little  page;  and  truly  Master  Page  is  an  honest  man. 
Never  a  wife  in  Windsor  leads  a  better  life  than  she 
does :  do  what  she  will,  say  what  she  will,  take  all,  pay 
all,  go  to  bed  when  she  list,  rise  when  she  list,  all  is  as 
she  will:  and  truly  she  deserves  it;  for  if  there  be  a 
kind  woman  in  Windsor,  she  is  one.  You  must  send 
her  your  page ;  no  remedy. 

Falstaff 
Why,  I  will. 

Quickly 

Nay,  but  do  so,  then :  and,  look  you,  he  may  come  and 
go  between  you  both ;  and  in  any  case  have  a  nay- word, 
that  you  may  know  one  another's  mind ;  and  the  boy 
never  need  to  understand  any  thing ;  for  'tis  not  good 
that  children  should  know  any  wickedness:  old  folks, 
you  know,  have  discretion,  as  they  say,  and  know  the 
world. 


56  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  ii. 

Falstaff 
Fare  thee  well :  commend  me  to  them  both :  there's  my 
purse ;  I  am  yet  thy  debtor.     Boy,  go  along  with  this 
woman.      [Exeunt    Mistress    Quickly    and    Robin.] 
This  news  distracts  me! 

Pistol 
This  punk  is  one  of  Cupid's  carriers : 
Clap  on  more  sails ;  pursue ;  up  with  your  fights : 
Give  fire :  she  is  my  prize,  or  ocean  whelm  them  all ! 

[Exit. 

Falstaff 
Sayest  thou  so,  old  Jack?  go  thy  ways;  I'll  make  more 
of  thy  old  body  than  I  have  done.  Will  they  yet  look 
after  thee?  Wilt  thou,  after  the  expense  of  so  much 
money,  be  now  a  gainer?  Good  body,  I  thank  thee. 
Let  them  say  'tis  grossly  done ;  so  it  be  fairly  done,  no 
matter. 

Enter  Bardolph 

Bardolph 
Sir  John,  there's  one  Master  Brook  below  would  fain 
speak  with  you,  and  be  acquainted  with  you ;  and  hath 
sent  your  worship  a  morning's  draught  of  sack. 

Falstaff 
Brook  is  his  name? 


sc.  ii.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  57 

Bardolph 
Ay,  sir. 

Falstaff 

Call  him  in.  [Exit  Bardolph.]  Such  Brooks  are 
welcome  to  me,  that  o'erflow  such  liquor.  Ah,  hal 
Mistress  Ford  and  Mistress  Page,  have  I  encompassed 
you  ?  go  to  ;  via ! 

Re-enter  Bardolph,  with  Ford  disguised 

Ford 
Bless  you,  sir ! 

Falstaff 

And  you,  sir !     would  you  speak  with  me? 

Ford 
I  make  bold  to  press  with  so  little  preparation   upon 

you. 

Falstaff 

You're  welcome.  What's  your  will?  Give  us  leave, 
drawer.  [Exit  Bardolph. 

Ford 

Sir,  I  am  a  gentleman  that  have  spent  much :  my  name 
is  Brook. 

Falstaff 

Good  Master  Brook,  I  desire  more  acquaintance  of  you. 

Ford 
Good  Sir  John,  I  sue  for  yours :  not  to  charge  you ;  for 
I   must  let  you  understand   I    think   myself   in   better 


58  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  ii. 

plight  for  a  lender  than  you  are :  the  which  hath  some- 
thing emboldened  me  to  this  unseasoned  intrusion ;  for 
they  say,  if  money  go  before,  all  ways  do  lie  open. 

Falstaff 
Money  is  a  good  soldier,  sir,  and  will  on. 

Ford 
Troth,  and  I  have  a  bag  of  money  here  troubles  me  :  if 
you  will  help  to  bear  it,  Sir  John,  take  all,  or  half,  for 
easing  me  of  the  carriage. 

Falstaff 
Sir,  I  know  not  how  I  may  deserve  to  be  your  porter. 

Ford 
I  will  tell  you,  sir,  if  you  will  give  me  the  hearing. 

Falstaff 
Speak,  good  Master  Brook  :  I  shall  be  glad  to  be  your 
servant. 

Ford 

Sir,  I  hear  you  are  a  scholar, — I  will  be  brief  with 
you, — and  you  have  been  a  man  long  known  to  me, 
though  I  had  never  so  good  means,  as  desire,  to  make 
myself  acquainted  with  you.  I  shall  discover  a  thing 
to  you,  wherein  I  must  very  much  lay  open  mine  own 
imperfection :  but,  good  Sir  John,  as  you  have  one  eye 
upon  my  follies,  as  you  hear  them  unfolded,  turn  another 


sc.  ii.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  59 

into  the  register  of  your  own ;  that  I  may  pass  with  a 
reproof  the  easier,  sith  you  yourself  know  how  easy  it  is 
to  be  such  an  offender. 

Falstaff 
Very  well,  sir ;  proceed. 

Ford 
There  is  a  gentlewoman  in  this  town ;  her  husband's 
name  is  Ford. 

Falstaff 
Well,  sir. 

Ford 
I  have  long  loved  her,  and  I  protest  to  you,  bestowed 
much  on  her;  followed  her  with  a  doting  observance; 
engrossed  opportunities  to  meet  her  ;  fee'd  every  slight 
occasion  that  could  but  niggardly  give  me  sight  of  her; 
not  only  bought  many  presents  to  give  her,  but  have 
given  largely  to  many  to  know  what  she  would  have 
given  ;  briefly,  I  have  pursued  her  as  love  hath  pursued 
me ;  which  hath  been  on  the  wing  of  all  occasions.  But 
whatsoever  I  have  merited,  either  in  my  mind  or  in  my 
means,  meed,  I  am  sure,  I  have  received  none;  unless 
experience  be  a  jewel  that  I  have  purchased  at  an 
infinite  rate,  and  that  hath  taught  me  to  say  this : 

4  Love  like  a  shadow  flies  when  substance  love  pursues  ; 
Pursuing  that  that  flies \  and  flying  what  pursues* 


60  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  ii. 

Falstaff 

Have   you  received  no  promise  of  satisfaction  at  her 
hands  ?. 

Ford 
Never. 

Falstaff 

Have  you  importuned  her  to  such  a  purpose  ? 

Ford 
Never. 

Falstaff 

Of  what  quality  was  your  love,  then  ? 

Ford 
Like  a  fair  house  built  on  another  man's  ground ;  so 
that  I  have  lost  my  edifice  by  mistaking  the  place  where 
I  erected  it. 

Falstaff 

To  what  purpose  have  you  unfolded  this  to  me? 

Ford 
When  I  have  told  you  that,  I  have  told  you  all.  Some 
say  that  though  she  appear  honest  to  me,  yet  in  other 
places  she  enlargeth  her  mirth  so  far  that  there  is 
shrewd  construction  made  of  her.  Now,  Sir  John,  here 
is  the  heart  of  my  purpose:  you  are  a  gentleman  of 
excellent  breeding,  admirable  discourse,  of  great  ad- 
mittance, authentic  in  your  place  and  person,  generally 
allowed  for  your  many  war-like,  court-like,  and  learned 
preparations. 


sc.  ii.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  61 

Falstaff 
O,  sir ! 

Ford 
Believe  it,  for  you  know  it.  There  is  money ;  spend  it, 
spend  it ;  spend  more;  spend  all  I  have ;  only  give  me 
so  much  of  your  time  in  exchange  of  it,  as  to  lay  an 
amiable  siege  to  the  honesty  of  this  Ford's  wife :  use 
your  art  of  wooing ;  win  her  to  consent  to  you  :  if  any 
man  may,  you  may  as  soon  as  any. 

Falstaff 
Would  it  apply  well  to  the  vehemency  of  your  affection, 
that  I  should  win  what  you  would  enjoy  ?     Methinks 
you  prescribe  to  yourself  very  preposterously. 

Ford 
O,  understand  my  drift.  She  dwells  so  securely  on  the 
excellency  of  her  honour,  that  the  folly  of  my  soul  dares 
not  present  itself:  she  is  too  bright  to  be  looked 
against.  Now,  could  I  come  to  her  with  any  detection 
in  my  hand,  my  desires  had  instance  and  argument  to 
commend  themselves :  I  could  drive  her  then  from  the 
ward  of  her  purity,  her  reputation,  her  marriage-vow, 
and  a  thousand  other  her  defences,  which  now  are  too 
too  strongly  embattled  against  me.  What  say  you  to  't, 
Sir  John  ? 

Falstaff 
Master  Brook,  I  will  first  make  bold  with  your  money; 


62  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  ii. 

next,  give  me  your  hand  ;  and  last,  as  I  am  a  gentleman, 
you  shall,  if  you  will,  enjoy  Ford's  wife. 

Ford 

0  good  sir! 

Falstaff 

1  say  you  shall. 

Ford 
Want  no  money,  Sir  John  ;  you  shall  want  none. 

Falstaff 
Want  no  mistress  Ford,  Master  Brook ;  you  shall  want 
none.  I  shall  be  with  her,  I  may  tell  you,  by  her  own 
appointment ;  even  as  you  came  in  to  me,  her  assistant 
or  go-between  parted  from  me.  I  say  I  shall  be  with 
her  between  ten  and  eleven  ;  for  at  that  time  the  jealous 
rascally  knave  her  husband  will  be  forth.  Come  you 
to  me  at  night ;  you  shall  know  how  I  speed. 

Ford 
I  am  blest  in  your  acquaintance.     Do  you  know  Ford, 
sir? 

Falstaff 
Hang  him,  poor  cuckoldly  knave !  I  know  him  not : 
yet  I  wrong  him  to  call  him  poor;  they  say  the  jealous 
wittolly knave  hath  masses  of  money;  for  the  which  his 
wife  seems  to  me  well-favoured.  I  will  use  her  as  the 
key  of  the  cuckoldly  rogue's  coffer ;  and  there's  my 
harvest-home. 


sc.  ii.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  63 

Ford 
I  would  you  knew  Ford,  sir,  that  you  might  avoid  him 
if  you  saw  him. 

Falstaff 
Hang  him,  mechanical  salt-butter  rogue !  I  will  stare 
him  out  of  his  wits ;  I  will  awe  him  with  my  cudgel : 
it  shall  hang  like  a  meteor  o'er  the  cuckold's  horns. 
Master  Brook,  thou  shalt  know  I  will  predominate  over 
the  peasant,  and  thou  shalt  lie  with  his  wife.  Come  to 
me  soon  at  night.  Ford's  a  knave,  and  I  will  aggravate 
his  style;  thou,  Master  Brook,  shalt  know  him  for  knave 
and  cuckold.     Come  to  me  soon  at  night.  [Exit. 

Ford 
What  a  damned  Epicurean  rascal  is  this !  My  heart  is 
ready  to  crack  with  impatience.  Who  says  this  is 
improvident  jealousy?  my  wife  hath  sent  to  him  ;  the 
hour  is  fixed ;  the  match  is  made.  Would  any  man 
have  thought  this  ?  See  the  hell  of  having  a  false 
woman!  My  bed  shall  be  abused,  my  coffers  ransacked, 
my  reputation  gnawn  at;  and  I  shall  not  only  receive 
this  villanous  wrong,  but  stand  under  the  adoption  of 
abominable  terms,  and  by  him  that  does  me  this  wrong. 
Terms  1  names !  Amaimon  sounds  well ;  Lucifer, 
well ;  Barbason,  well ;  yet  they  are  devils'  additions,  the 
names  of  fiends :  but  Cuckold !  Wittol ! — Cuckold !  the 
devil  himself  hath  not  such  a  name.  Page  is  an  ass,  a 
secure   ass :  he   will   trust   his   wife ;  he   will   not   be 


64  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  ii. 

jealous.  I  will  rather  trust  a  Fleming  with  my  butter, 
Parson  Hugh  the  Welshman  with  my  cheese,  an  Irish- 
man with  my  aqua-vitae  bottle,  or  a  thief  to  walk  my 
ambling  gelding,  than  my  wife  with  herself :  then  she 
plots,  then  she  ruminates,  then  she  devises;  and  what 
they  think  in  their  hearts  they  may  effect,  they  will 
break  their  hearts  but  they  will  effect.  God  be  praised 
for  my  jealousy  !  Eleven  o'clock  the  hour.  I  will 
prevent  this,  detect  my  wife,  be  revenged  on  Falstaff, 
and  laugh  at  Page.  I  will  about  it ;  better  three  hours 
too  soon  than  a  minute  too  late.  Fie,  fie,  fie !  cuckold ! 
cuckold  !  cuckold !  [Exit. 


Scene   III 

A  field  near  Windsor 

Enter  Caius  and  Rugby 

Caius 
Jack  Rugby! 

Rugby 
Sir? 

Caius 
Vat  is  de  clock,  Jack  ? 

Rugby 

'Tis   past   the   hour,    sir,  that  Sir  Hugh  promised  to 
meet. 


sc.  in.      MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  65 

Caius 
By  gar,  he  has  save  his  soul,  dat  he  is  no  come ;  he  has 
pray  his  Pible  well,  dat  he  is  no  come  :  by  gar,  Jack 
Rugby,  he  is  dead  already,  if  he  be  come. 

Rugby 
He  is  wise,  sir;  he  knew  your  worship  would  kill  him, 
if  he  came. 

Caius 

By  gar,  de  herring  is  no  dead  so  as  I  vill  kill  him. 
Take  your  rapier,  Jack ;  I  vill  tell  you  how  I  vill  kill 
him. 

Rugby 
Alas,  sir,  I  cannot  fence. 

Caius 
Villany,  take  your  rapier. 

Rugby 
Forbear;  here's  company. 

Enter  Host,  Shallow,  Slender,  and  Page 

Host 
Bless  thee,  bully  doctor  1 

Shallow 
Save  you,  Master  Doctor  Caius  1 

Page 
Now,  good  master  doctor  1 


66  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  ii. 

Slender 
Give  you  good-morrow,  sir. 

Caius 
Vat  be  all  you,  one,  two,  tree,  four,  come  for  ? 

Host 
To  see  thee  fight,  to  see  thee  foin,  to  see  thee  traverse ; 
to  see  thee  here,  to  see  thee  there ;  to  see  thee  pass  thy 
punto,  thy  stock,  thy  reverse,  thy  distance,  thy  montant. 
Is  he  dead,  my  Ethiopian  ?  is  he  dead,  my  Francisco  ? 
ha,  bully!  What  says  my  ^Esculapius?  my  Galen?  my 
heart  of  elder  ?  ha !  is  he  dead,  bully  stale  ?  is  he 
dead? 

Caius 
By  gar,  he  is  de  coward  Jack  priest  of  de  vorld  ;  he  is 
not  show  his  face. 

Host 
Thou  art  a  Castalion-King-Urinal.     Hector  of  Greece, 
my  boy ! 

Caius 
I  pray  you,  bear  vitness  that  me  have  stay  six  or  seven, 
two,  tree  hours  for  him,  and  he  is  no  come. 

Shallow 
He  is  the  wiser  man,  master  doctor :  he  is  a  curer  of 
souls,  and  you  a  curer  of  bodies ;  if  you  should  fight, 


sc.  in.      MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  67 

you  go  against  the  hair  of  your  professions.     Is  it  not 
true,  Master  Page  ? 

Page 
Master  Shallow,  you  have  yourself  been  a  great  fighter, 
though  now  a  man  of  peace. 

Shallow 
Bodykins,  Master  Page,  though  I  now  be  old  and  of  the 
peace,  if  I  see  a  sword  out,  my  finger  itches  to  make 
one.  Though  we  are  justices  and  doctors  and  church- 
men, Master  Page,  we  have  some  salt  of  our  youth  in 
us ;  we  are  the  sons  of  women,  Master  Page. 

Page 
'Tis  true,  Master  Shallow. 

Shallow 
It  will  be  found  so,  Master  Page.  Master  Doctor  Caiust 
I  am  come  to  fetch  you  home.  I  am  sworn  of  the 
peace :  you  have  showed  yourself  a  wise  physician,  and 
Sir  Hugh  hath  shown  himself  a  wise  and  patient 
churchman.     You  must  go  with  me,  master  doctor. 

Host 
Parden,  guest-justice.     A  word,  Mounseur  Mockwater. 

Caius 
Mock-vater  1  vat  is  dat  ? 


68  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  ii. 

Host 
Mock-water,  in  our  English  tongue,  is  valour,  bully. 

Caius 
By  gar,  den,  I  have  as  mush  mock-vater  as  de  English-  • 
man.     Scurvy  jack-dog  priest !  by  gar,  me  vill  cut  his 
ears. 

Host 

He  will  clapper-claw  thee  tightly,  bully. 

Caius 
Clapper-de-claw  !  vat  is  dat  ? 

Host 
That  is,  he  will  make  thee  amends. 

Caius 
By  gar,  me  do  look  he  shall  clapper-de-claw  me;  for, 
by  gar,  me  vill  have  it. 

Host 
And  I  will  provoke  him  to  't,  or  let  him  wag. 

Caius 
Me  tank  you  for  dat. 

Host 

And,  moreover,  bully, — but  first,  master  guest,  and 
Master  Page,  and  eke  Cavaleiro  Slender,  go  you  through 
the  town  to  Frogmore.  [Aside  to  them. 


sc.  in.      MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  69 

Page 
Sir  Hugh  is  there,  is  he  ? 

Host 
He   is   there :   see  what  humour  he  is  in ;  and  I  will 
bring  the  doctor  about  by  the  fields.     Will  it  do  well  ? 

Shallow 
We  will  do  it. 

Page,  Shallow,  and  Slender 
Adieu,  good  master  doctor. 

[Exeunt  Page,  Shallow,  and  Slender. 

Caius 
By  gar,  me  vill  kill  de  priest ;  for  he  speak  for  a  jack- 
an-ape  to  Anne  Page. 

Host 
Let  him  die  :  sheathe  thy  impatience,  throw  cold  water 
on  thy  choler:  go  about  the  fields  with  me  through 
Frogmore :  I  will  bring  thee  where  Mistress  Anne 
Page  is,  at  a  farm-house  a-feasting :  and  thou  shalt  woo 
her.     Cried  I  aim?  said  I  well? 

Caius 
By  gar,  me  dank  you  for  dat :  by  gar,  I  love  you ;  and 
I  shall  procure-a  you  de  good  guest,  de  earl,  de  knight, 
de  lords,  de  gentlemen,  my  patients. 


70  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  ii. 

Host 
For  the  which  I  will  be  thy  adversary  toward  Anne 
Page.     Said  I  well? 

Caius 
By  gar,  'tis  good ;  veil  said. 


Host 
Let  us  wag,  then. 

Caius 
Come  at  my  heels,  Jack  Rugby. 


[Exeunt. 


'CWe   at-r^j  W6,l4l^ 


t£S!^ 


Scene  I 

A  field  near  Frogmore 

Enter  Sir  Hugh  Evans  and  Simple 

Evans 
I  pray  you  now,  good  Master  Slender's  serving-man, 
and  friend  Simple  by  your  name,  which  way  have  you 

7i 


72  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  hi. 

looked  for  Master  Caius,  that  calls  himself  doctor  of 
physic  ? 

Simple 
Marry,  sir,  the  pittie-ward,  the  park-ward,  every  way ; 
old  Windsor  way,  and  every  way  but  the  town  way. 

Evans 
I  most  fehemently  desire  you  you  will  also  look  that 
way. 

Simple 
I  will,  sir.  [Exit. 

Evans 
'Pless  my  soul,  how  full  of  chollors  I  am,  and  trempling 
of  mind  !  I  shall  be  glad  if  he  have  deceived  me.  How 
melancholies  I  am!  I  will  knog  his  urinals  about  his 
knave's  costard  when  I  have  good  opportunities  for  the 
ork.     'Pless  my  soul !  [Sings. 

To  shallow  rivers,  to  whose  falls 
Melodious  birds  sings  madrigals  ; 
There  will  we  make  our  peds  of  roses, 
And  a  thousand  fragrant  posies. 
To  shallow — 

Mercy   on  me !     I  have  a    great    dispositions   to  cry. 

[Sings. 

Melodious  birds  sing  madrigals — 
When  as  I  sat  in  Pabylon — 
A  nd  a  thousand  vagram  posies. 
To  shallow,  &c. 


sc.  i.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  73 

Re-enter  Simple 

Simple 
Yonder  he  is  coming,  this  way,  Sir  Hugh. 

Evans 
He's  welcome.  [Sings. 

To  shallow  rivers,  to  whose  falls — 

Heaven  prosper  the  right !     What  weapons  is  he  ? 

Simple 
No   weapons,    sir.     There   comes    my  master,   Master 
Shallow,  and  another  gentleman,  from  Frogmore,  over 
the  stile,  this  way. 

Evans 

Pray  you,  give  me  my  gown  ;  or  else  keep  it  in  your 
arms. 

Enter  Page,  Shallow,  and  Slender 

Shallow 
How    now,  master  parson  1     Good-morrow,  good    Sir 
Hugh.     Keep  a  gamester  from  the  dice,  and  a  good 
student  from  his  book,  and  it  is  wonderful. 

Slender 
[Aside~\  Ah,  sweet  Anne  Page! 


74  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  hi. 

Page 
'Save  you,  good  Sir  Hugh ! 

Evans 
'Pless  you  from  his  mercy  sake,  all  of  you ! 

Shallow 
What,  the  sword  and  the  word !  do  you  study  them  both, 
master  parson? 

Page 
And  youthful  still !   in  your  doublet  and  hose  this  raw 
rheumatic  day ! 

Evans 
There  is  reasons  and  causes  for  it. 

Page 
We  are  come  to  you  to  do  a  good  office,  master  parson. 

Evans 
Fery  well :  what  is  it  ? 

Page 
Yonder   is   a   most   reverend   gentleman,  who,   belike 
having  received  wrong  by  some  person,  is  at  most  odds 
with  his  own  gravity  and  patience  that  ever  you  saw. 

Shallow 
I  haye  lived  fourscore  years  and  upward ;  I  never  heard 


sc.  i.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  75 

a  man  of  his  place,  gravity  and  learning  so  wide  of  his 
own  respect. 

Evans 
What  is  he? 

Page 
I   think   you   know   him;    Master   Doctor   Caius,   the 
renowned  French  physician. 

Evans 
Got's  will,  and  his  passion  of  my  heart !  I  had  as  lief 
you  would  tell  me  of  a  mess  of  porridge. 

Page 

Why? 

Evans 
He  has  no  more  knowledge  in  Hibocrates  and  Galen, — 
and  he  is  a  knave  besides;  a  cowardly  knave  as  you 
would  desires  to  be  acquainted  withal. 

Page 
I  warrant  you,  he's  the  man  should  fight  with  him. 

Slender 
[Aside]  O  sweet  Anne  Pagel 

Shallow 
It  appears  so  by  his  weapons.      Keep  them  asunder ; 
here  comes  Doctor  Caius, 


j6  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  hi. 

Enter  Host,  Caius,  and  Rugby 

Page 
Nay,  good  master  parson,  keep  in  your  weapon. 

Shallow 
So  do  you,  good  master  doctor. 

Host 
Disarm  them,   and  let  them  question:  let  them  keep 
their  limbs  whole  and  hack  our  English. 

Caius 
I   pray  you,    let-a   me   speak  a  word  with  your   ear. 
Vherefore  vill  you  not  meet-a  me? 

Evans 
[Aside  to  Caius]  Pray  you,  use  your  patience :   in  good 
time. 

Caius 
By  gar  you  are  de  coward,  de  Jack  dog,  John  ape. 

Evans 
[Aside  to  Caius]  Pray  you  let  us  not  be  laughing-stocks 
to  other  men's  humours ;  I  desire  you  in  friendship,  and 
I  will  one  way  or  other  make  you  amends.  [Aloud]  I 
will  knog  your  urinals  about  your  knave's  cogscomb  for 
missing  your  meetings  and  appointments. 


sc.  i.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  77 

Caius 
Diable!     Jack   Rugby, — mine   host   de  Jarteer, — have 
I  not  stay  for  him  to  kill  him?  have  I  not,  at  de  place 
I  did  appoint  ? 

Evans 
As  I  am  a  Christian  soul  now,  look  you,  this  is  the 
place  appointed :  I'll  be  judgement  by  mine  host  of  the 
Garter. 

Host 

Peace,   I    say!    Gallia  and  Gaul,   French  and  Welsh, 
soul-curer  and  body-curer ! 

Caius 
Ay,  dat  is  very  good ;  excellent. 

Host 
Peace  I  sayl  hear  mine  host  of  the  Garter.  Am  I 
politic  ?  am  I  subtle  ?  am  I  a  Machiavel  ?  Shall  I  lose 
my  doctor?  no;  he  gives  me  the  potions  and  the 
motions.  Shall  I  lose  my  parson,  my  priest,  my  Sir 
Hugh?  no;  he  gives  me  the  proverbs  and  the  no-verbs. 
Give  me  thy  hand,  terrestrial ;  so.  Give  me  thy  hand, 
celestial ;  so.  Boys  of  art,  I  have  deceived  you  both ; 
I  have  directed  you  to  wrong  places:  your  hearts  are 
mighty,  your  skins  are  whole,  and  let  burnt  sack  be  the 
issue.  Come,  lay  their  swords  to  pawn.  Follow  me, 
lads  of  peace ;  follow,  follow,  follow. 


78  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  hi. 

Shallow 
Trust  me,  a  mad  host.     Follow,  gentlemen,  follow. 

Slender 
[Aside]  O  sweet  Anne  Page! 

[Exeunt  Shallow,   Slender,  Page,  and  Host. 

Caius 
Ha,  do  I  perceive  dat  ?   have  you  make-a  de  sot  of  us, 
ha,  ha? 

Evans 
This  is  well;    he   has  made  us  his  vlouting-stog.     I 
desire  you  that  we  may  be  friends ;    and  let  us  knog  our 
prains  together  to  be  revenge  on  this  same  scall,  scurvy, 
cogging  companion,  the  host  of  the  Garter. 

Caius 
By  gar,  with  all  my  heart.      He  promise  to  bring  me 
where  is  Anne  Page ;  by  gar  he  deceive  me  too. 

Evans 
Well,  I  will  smite  his  noddles.     Pray  you,  follow. 

[Exeunt. 


I  had  rather  forsooth  go  before  you  /ike  a  man 
than  follow  him  like  a  dwarf" 


sc.  ii.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  79 

Scene  II 

A  street 

Enter  Mistress  Page  and  Robin 

Mrs.  Page 
Nay,  keep  your  way,  little  gallant ;  you  were  wont  to  be 
a  follower,  but  now  you  are  a  leader.     Whether  had  you 
rather  lead  mine  eyes,  or  eye  your  master's  heels  ? 

Robin 
I  had  rather,  forsooth,  go  before  you  like  a  man  than 
follow  him  like  a  dwarf. 

Mrs.  Page 
O,  you  are  a  flattering  boy:    now  I  see  you'll  be  a 
courtier. 

Enter  Ford 

Ford 
Well  met,  Mistress  Page.     Whither  go  you  ? 

Mrs.  Page 
Truly,  sir,  to  see  your  wife.     Is  she  at  home  ? 

Ford 
Ay ;  and  as  idle  as  she  may  hang  together,  for  want  of 
company.     I  think,  if  your  husbands  were  dead,  you  two 
would  marry. 


80  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  hi. 

Mrs.  Page 
Be  sure  of  that, — two  other  husbands. 

Ford 
Where  had  you  this  pretty  weathercock  ? 

Mrs.  Page 
I  cannot  tell  what  the  dickens  his  name  is  my  husband 
had  him  of.     What  do   you  call  your  knight's  name, 
sirrah  ? 

Robin 
Sir  John  Falstaff. 

Ford 
Sir  John  Falstaff ! 

Mrs.  Page 
He,  He;  I  can  never  hit  on's  name.      There  is  such 
a   league   between   my   good    man   and   he !     Is   your 
wife  at  home  indeed  ? 

Ford 
Indeed  she  is. 

Mrs.  Page 
By  your  leave,  sir :  I  am  sick  till  I  see  her. 

[Exeunt  Mrs.  Page  and  Robin. 

Ford 
Has  Page  any  brains?  hath  he  any  eyes?  hath  he  any 
thinking?     Sure,  they  sleep;  he  hath  no  use  of  them. 


"He  has  eyes  of  youth,  he  smells  April  and  May1' 


sc.  ii.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  81 

Why,  this  boy  will  carry  a  letter  twenty  mile,  as  easy  as 
a  cannon  will  shoot  point-blank  twelve  score.  He 
pieces  out  his  wife's  inclination;  he  gives  her  folly 
motion  and  advantage :  and  now  she's  going  to  be  my 
wife,  and  Falstaff s  boy  with  her.  A  man  may  hear 
this  shower  sing  in  the  wind.  And  Falstaffs  boy  with 
her !  Good  plots,  they  are  laid ;  and  our  revolted  wives 
share  damnation  together.  Well;  I  will  take  him,  then 
torture  my  wife,  pluck  the  borrowed  veil  of  modesty 
from  the  so  seeming  Mistress  Page,  divulge  Page  him- 
self for  a  secure  and  wilful  Actseon;  and  to  these 
violent  proceedings  all  my  neighbours  shall  cry  aim. 
[Clock  heard.~\  The  clock  gives  me  my  cue,  and  my 
assurance  bids  me  search  :  there  I  shall  find  Falstaff:  I 
shall  be  rather  praised  for  this  than  mocked ;  for  it  is  as 
positive  as  the  earth  is  firm  that  Falstaff  is  there: 
I  will  go. 

Enter  Page,   Shallow,   Slender,   Host,    Sir    Hugh 
Evans,  Caius,  and  Rugby 

Shallow,  Page,  &c. 
Well  met,  Master  Ford. 

Ford 
Trust  me,  a  good  knot:  I  have  good  cheer  at  home; 
and  I  pray  you  all  go  with  me. 

Shallow 
I  must  excuse  myself,  Master  Ford. 


82  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  hi. 

Slender 
And  so  must  I,  sir:  we  have  appointed  to  dine  with 
Mistress  Anne,  and  I  would  not  break  with  her  for  more 
money  than  I'll  speak  of. 

Shallow 
We  have  lingered  about  a  match  between  Anne  Page 
and  my  cousin  Slender,  and  this  day  we  shall  have  our 
answer. 

Slender 

I  hope  I  have  your  good  will,  father  Page. 

Page 
You  have,  Master  Slender;  I  stand   wholly   for   you: 
but  my  wife,  master  doctor,  is  for  you  altogether. 

Caius 
Ay,  be-gar;  and   de  maid  is   love-a   me:  my  nursh-a 
Quickly  tell  me  so  mush. 

Host 
What  say  you  to  young  Master  Fenton  ?  he  capers,  he 
dances,  he  has  eyes  of  youth,  he  writes  verses,  he  speaks 
holiday,  he  smells  April  and  May :  he  will  carry  't,  he 
will  carry't;  'tis  in  his  buttons;  he  will  carry't. 

Page 
Not  by  my  consent,  I  promise  you.     The  gentleman  is 
of  no  having:  he  kept  company  with  the  wild  prince 


"  Then-  empty  it  ui  the  muddy  ditch 


sc.  ii.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  83 

and  Poins ;  he  is  of  too  high  a  region ;  he  knows  too 
much.  No,  he  shall  not  knit  a  knot  in  his  fortunes 
with  the  finger  of  my  substance :  if  he  take  her,  let  him 
take  her  simply;  the  wealth  I  have  waits  on  my  consent, 
and  my  consent  goes  not  that  way. 

Ford 
I  beseech  you  heartily,  some  of  you  go  home  with  me 
to  dinner:  besides  your  cheer,  you  shall  have  sport;  I 
will  show  you  a  monster.     Master  doctor,  you  shall  go ; 
so  shall  you,  Master  Page ;  and  you,  Sir  Hugh. 

Shallow 
Well,  fare  you  well :  we  shall  have  the  freer  wooing  at 
Master  Page's.  \Exeunt  Shallow  and  Slender. 

Caius 
Go  home,  John  Rugby ;  I  come  anon.        [Exit  Rugby. 

Host 
Farewell,    my    hearts:  I    will    to   my   honest   knight 
Falstaff,  and  drink  canary  with  him.  [Exit. 

Ford 
[Aside]  I  think  I  shall  drink  in  pipe-wine  first  with  him ; 
I'll  make  him  dance.     Will  you  go,  gentles? 

All 
Have  with  you  to  see  this  monster.  [Exmnt. 


84  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  hi. 

Scene  III 

A  room  in  Ford's  house 

Enter  Mistress  Ford  and  Mistress  Page 

Mrs.  Ford 
What,  John  I     What,  Robert  I 

Mrs.  Page 
Quickly,  quickly !     Is  the  buck-basket — 

Mrs.  Ford 
I  warrant.     What,  Robin,  I  say! 

Enter  Servants  with  a  basket 

Mrs.  Page 
Come,  come,  come. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Here,  set  it  down. 

Mrs.  Page 

Give  your  men  the  charge;  we  must  be  brief. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Marry,  as  I  told  you  before,  John  and  Robert,  be  ready 
here  hard  by  in  the  brewhouse:  and  when  I  suddenly 
call  you,  come  forth,  and  without  any  pause  or  stagger- 


c;  Y<nt  little  J ack~a-lenty  have  you  been  true  to  tis?n 


Hft-^Vtf 


sc.  in.      MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  85 

ing  take  this  basket  on  your  shoulders:  that  done, 
trudge  with  it  in  all  haste,  and  carry  it  among  the 
whitsters  in  Datchet-mead,  and  there  empty  it  in  the 
muddy  ditch  close  by  the  Thames  side. 

Mrs.  Page 
You  will  do  it? 

Mrs.  Ford 

I  ha'  told  them  over  and  over;  they  lack  no  direction. 
Be  gone,  and  come  when  you  are  called. 

[Exeunt  Servants. 

Mrs.  Page 
Here  comes  little  Robin. 

Enter  Robin 

Mrs.  Ford 
How  now,  my  eyas-musket!  what  news  with  you? 

Robin 
My    master,  Sir  John,  is  come  in  at  your  back-door, 
Mistress  Ford,  and  requests  your  company. 

Mrs.  Page 
You  little  Jack-a-Lent,  have  you  been  true  to  us  ? 

Robin 
Ay,  I'll  be  sworn.     My  master  knows  not  of  your  being 
here  and  hath  threatened  to  put   me   into   everlasting 


86  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  hi. 

liberty  if  I  tell  you  of  it;  for  he  swears  he'll  turn  me 
away. 

Mrs.  Page 
Thou'rt  a  good  boy:  this  secrecy  of  thine  shall  be  a 
tailor  to  thee  and  shall  make  thee  a  new  doublet  and 
hose.     I'll  go  hide  me. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Do  so.     Go  tell  thy  master  I  am  alone.      [Exit  Robin. 
Mistress  Page,  remember  you  your  cue. 

Mrs.  Page 
I  warrant  thee;  if  I  do  not  act  it,  hiss  me.  [Exit. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Go  to,  then :  we'll  use  this  unwholesome  humidity,  this 
gross  watery  pumpion ;  we'll  teach  him  to  know  turtles 
from  jays. 

Enter  Falstaff 

Falstaff 
Have  I  caught  thee,  my  heavenly  jewel  ?    Why,  now  let 
me  die,  for  I  have  lived  long  enough :  this  is  the  period 
of  my  ambition :  O  this  blessed  hour ! 

Mrs.  Ford 
O  sweet  Sir  John ! 


«  There  comes  my  master,  Mister  Shallop  ami 
another  gentleman  from  Frogmore  over 

//,,•    c/>'/,'  this.  7UdV 


ike  stile  this  wa) 


sc.  in.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  87 

Falstaff 

Mistress  Ford,  I  cannot  cog,  I  cannot  prate,  Mistress 
Ford.  Now  shall  I  sin  in  my  wish:  I  would  thy 
husband  were  dead  :  I'll  speak  it  before  the  best  lord;  I 
would  make  thee  my  lady. 

Mrs.  Ford 
I  your  lady,  Sir  John !  alas,  I  should  be  a  pitiful  lady ! 

Falstaff 
Let  the  court  of  France  show  me  such  another.  I  see 
how  thine  eye  would  emulate  the  diamond :  thou  hast 
the  right  arched  beauty  of  the  brow  that  becomes  the 
ship-tire,  the  tire  valiant,  or  any  tire  of  Venetian 
admittance. 

Mrs.  Ford 
A  plain  kerchief,  Sir  John  :  my  brows  become  nothing 
else  ;  nor  that  well  neither. 

Falstaff 
By  the  Lord,  thou  art  a  traitor  to  say  so  :  thou  wouldst 
make  an  absolute  courtier ;  and  the  firm  fixture  of  thy 
foot  would  give  an  excellent  motion  to  thy  gait  in  a 
semi-circled  farthingale.  I  see  what  thou  wert,  if 
Fortune  thy  foe  were  not,  Nature  thy  friend.  Come, 
thou  canst  not  hide  it. 


88  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  hi. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Believe  me,  there's  no  such  thing  in  me. 

Falstaff 
What  made  me  love  thee?  let  that  persuade  thee  there's 
something  extraordinary  in  thee.  Come,  I  cannot  cog 
and  say  thou  art  this  and  that,  like  a  many  of  these 
lisping  hawthorn-buds,  that  come  like  women  in  men's 
apparel,  and  smell  like  Bucklersbury  in  simple  time ;  I 
cannot :  but  I  love  thee ;  none  but  thee ;  and  thou 
deservest  it. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Do  not  betray  me,  sir.     I  fear  you  love  Mistress  Page. 

Falstaff 
Thou  mightst   as   well   say    I    love    to   walk   by   the 
Counter-gate,  which  is  as  hateful  to  me  as  the  reek  of  a 
lime-kiln. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Well,  heaven  knows  how  I  love  you ;  and  you  shall  one 
day  find  it. 

Falstaff 
Keep  in  that  mind  ;  I'll  deserve  it. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Nay,  I  must  tell  you,  so  you  do ;  or  else  I  could  not  be 
in  that  mind. 


/  cannot  cog,  and  say  thou  art  this  and  that,  like  a 
many  of  these  lisping  hawthorn  buds  " 


sc.  in.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  89 

Robin 
[  Witkin~\  Mistress  Ford,  Mistress  Ford  I  here's  Mistress 
Page  at  the  door,  sweating  and  blowing  and  looking 
wildly,  and  would  needs  speak  with  you  presently. 

Falstaff 
She  shall  not  see  me :  I  will  ensconce  me  behind  the 
arras. 

Mrs.  Ford 

Pray  you,  do  so :  she's  a  very  tattling  woman. 

[Falstaff  hides  himself. 

Re-enter  Mistress  Page  and  Robin 

What's  the  matter  ?  how  now ! 

Mrs.  Page 
O   Mistress    Ford,   what   have    you    done  ?      You're 
shamed,  you're  overthrown,  you're  undone  for  ever  1 

Mrs.  Ford 
What's  the  matter,  good  Mistress  Page? 

Mrs.  Page 
O  well-a-day,  Mistress  Ford !  having  an  honest  man  to 
your  husband,  to  give  him  such  cause  of  suspicion  1 

Mrs.  Ford 
What  cause  of  suspicion  ? 


90  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  hi. 

Mrs.  Page 
What  cause  of  suspicion !     Out  upon  you !  how  am  I 
mistook  in  you ! 

Mrs.  Ford 
Why,  alas,  what's  the  matter  ? 

Mrs.  Page 
Your   husband's  coming  hither,  woman,  with   all   the 
officers  in  Windsor,  to  search  for  a  gentleman  that  he 
says  is  here  now  in  the  house  by  your  consent,  to  take 
an  ill  advantage  of  his  absence  :  you  are  undone. 

Mrs.  Ford 
'Tis  not  so,  I  hope. 

Mrs.  Page 

Pray  heaven  it  be  not  so,  that  you  have  such  a  man 

here  !  but  'tis  most  certain  your  husband's  coming  with 

half  Windsor  at  his  heels,  to  search  for  such  a  one.     I 

come  before  to  tell  you.     If  you  know  yourself  clear, 

why,  I  am  glad  of  it;  but  if  you  have  a  friend  here, 

convey,  convey  him  out.     Be  not  amazed  ;  call  all  your 

senses  to  you ;  defend  your  reputation,  or  bid  farewell 

to  your  good  life  for  ever. 

Mrs.  Ford 
What  shall  I  do  ?  There  is  a  gentleman  my  dear  friend ; 
and  I  fear  not  mine  own  shame  so  much  as  his  peril :  I 
had  rather  than  a  thousand  pound  he  were  out  of  the 
house. 


They  cover  him  with  foul  linen 


sc.  in.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  91 

Mrs.  Page 
For  shame !  never  stand  '  you  had  rather '  and  '  you 
had  rather  : '  your  husband's  here  at  hand ;  bethink  you 
of  some  conveyance  :  in  the  house  you  cannot  hide  him. 
O,  how  have  you  deceived  me !  Look,  here  is  a 
basket:  if  he  be  of  any  reasonable  stature,  he  may 
creep  in  here ;  and  throw  foul  linen  upon  him,  as  if  it 
were  going  to  bucking  :  or — it  is  whiting-time — send 
him  by  your  two  men  to  Datchet-mead. 

Mrs.  Ford 
He's  too  big  to  go  in  there.     What  shall  I  do  ? 

Falstaff 
[Coming  forward]  Let  me  see 't,  let  me  see 't,  O,  let  me 
see  't!     I'll  in,  I'll  in.     Follow  your  friend's  counsel. 
I'll  in. 

Mrs.  Page 

What,    Sir   John    Falstaff!     Are    these    your    letters, 
knight? 

Falstaff 

I  love  thee.     Help  me  away.     Let  me  creep  in  here. 
I'll  never 

[Gets  into  the  basket ;  they  cover 
him  with  foul  linen. 

Mrs.  Page 
Help   to   cover   your   master,    boy.     Call   your    men, 
Mistress  Ford.     You  dissembling  knight  I 


92  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  hi. 

Mrs.  Ford 
What,  John !  Robert !  John  !  [Exit  Robin. 

Re-enter  Servants 

Go  take  up  these  clothes  here  quickly.  Where's  the 
cowl-staff?  look,  how  you  drumble!  Carry  them  to  the 
laundress  in  Datchet-mead ;  quickly,  come. 

Enter  Ford,  Page,  Caius,  and  Sir  Hugh  Evans 

Ford 
Pray  you,  come  near :  if  I  suspect  without  cause,  why 
then  make  sport  at  me;  then  let  me  be  your  jest;  I 
deserve  it.     How  now !  whither  bear  you  this  ? 

Servants 
To  the  laundress,  forsooth. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Why,  what  have  you  to  do  whither  they  bear  it  ?     You 
were  best  meddle  with  buckwashing. 

Ford 
Buck  1  I  would  I  could  wash  myself  of  the  buck !  Buck, 
buck,  buck  !     Ay,  buck ;  I  warrant  you  buck ;  and  of 
the  season  too,  it  shall  appear.     [Exeunt  Servants  with 
the  basket.]     Gentlemen,  I  have  dreamed  to-night ;  I'll 


sc.  in.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  93 

tell  you  my  dream.  Here,  here,  here  be  my  keys  : 
ascend  my  chambers ;  search,  seek,  find  out :  I'll 
warrant  we'll  unkennel  the  fox.  Let  me  stop  this  way 
first.     [Locking  the  door?\     So,  now  uncape. 

Page 
Good  Master  Ford,  be  contented ;  you  wrong  yourself 
too  much. 

Ford 
True,  Master  Page.     Up,  gentlemen ;  you  shall  see  sport 
anon  :  follow  me,  gentlemen.  [Exit. 

Evans 
This  is  fery  fantastical  humours  and  jealousies. 

Caius 
By  gar,  'tis  no  the  fashion  of  France ;  it  is  not  jealous 
in  France. 

Page 
Nay,  follow  him,  gentlemen;  see  the  issue  of  his  search. 
[Exeunt  Page,  Caius,  and  Evans. 

Mrs.  Page 
Is  there  not  a  double  excellency  in  this? 

Mrs.  Ford 
I  know  not  which  pleases  me  better,  that  my  husband 
is  deceived,  or  Sir  John. 


94  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  hi. 

Mrs.  Page 
What  a  taking  was  he  in  when  your  husband  asked  who 
was  in  the  basket  ! 

Mrs.  Ford 

I    am  half   afraid  he   will  have  need  of   washing ;  so 
throwing  him  into  the  water  will  do  him  a  benefit. 

Mrs.  Page 
Hang  him,  dishonest  rascal  I  I  would  all  of  the  same 
strain  were  in  the  same  distress. 

Mrs.  Ford 
I  think  my  husband   hath   some   special  suspicion   of 
Falstaff's  being  here ;  for  I  never  saw  him  so  gross  in 
his  jealousy   till  now. 

Mrs.  Page 
I  will  lay  a  plot  to  try  that ;  and  we  will  yet  have  more 
tricks  with  Falstaff:    his   dissolute  disease  will  scarce 
obey  this  medicine. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Shall  we  send  that  foolish  carrion,  Mistress  Quickly,  to 
him,  and  excuse  his  throwing  into  the  water ;  and  give 
him  another  hope,  to  betray  him  to  another  punishment  ? 

Mrs.  Page 
We  will  do  it :   let  him  be  sent  for  to-morrow,  eight 
o'clock,  to  have  amends. 


sc.  in.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  95 

Re-enter  Ford,  Page,  Caius,  and  Sir 
Hugh  Evans 

Ford 
I  cannot  find  him  :  may  be  the  knave  bragged  of  that 
he  could  not  compass. 

Mrs.  Page 
[Aside  to  Mrs.  Ford]  Heard  you  that  ? 

Mrs.  Ford 
You  use  me  well,  Master  Ford,  do  you  ? 

Ford 
Ay,  I  do  so. 

Mrs.  Ford 

Heaven  make  you  better  than  your  thoughts  ! 

Ford 
Amen! 

Mrs.  Page 

You  do  yourself  mighty  wrong,  Master  Ford. 

Ford 
Ay,  ay ;  I  must  bear  it. 

Evans 
If  there  be  any  pody  in  the  house,  and  in  the  chambers, 
and  in  the  coffers,  and  in  the  presses,  heaven  forgive 
my  sins  at  the  day  of  judgement ! 


96  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  hi. 

Caius 
By  gar,  nor  I  too :  there  is  no  bodies. 

Page 
Fie,  fie,  Master  Ford  !  are  you  not  ashamed  ?     What 
spirit,  what  devil  suggests  this  imagination  ?  I  would 
not  ha'  your  distemper  in  this  kind  for  the  wealth  of 
Windsor  Castle. 

Ford 
'Tis  my  fault,  Master  Page  :  I  suffer  for  it. 

Evans 
You  suffer  for  a  pad  conscience  :  your  wife  is  as  honest 
a  'omans  as  I  will  desires  among  five  thousand,  and  five 
hundred  too. 

Caius 
By  gar,  I  see  'tis  an  honest  woman. 

Ford 
Well,  I  promised  you  a  dinner.  Come,  come,  walk  in 
the  Park :  I  pray  you,  pardon  me ;  I  will  hereafter 
make  known  to  you  why  I  have  done  this.  Come, 
wife;  come,  Mistress  Page.  I  pray  you,  pardon  me; 
pray  heartily,  pardon  me. 

Page 
Let's  go  in,  gentlemen ;  but,  trust  me,  we'll  mock  him. 
I  do   invite  you  to-morrow  morning   to  my  house   to 


sc.  in.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  97 

breakfast:  after,  we'll  a-birding  together;  I  have  a  fine 
hawk  for  the  bush.     Shall  it  be  so  ? 


Ford 
Any  thing. 

Evans 

If  there  is  one,  I  shall  make  two  in  the  company. 

Caius 
If  dere  be  one  or  two,  I  shall  make-a  the  turd. 

Ford 
Pray  you,  go,  Master  Page. 

Evans 
I  pray  you  now,  remembrance  to-morrow  on  the  lousy 
knave,  mine  host. 

Caius 
Dat  is  good  :  by  gar,  with  all  my  heart ! 

Evans 
A  lousy  knave,  to  have  his  gibes  and  his  mockeries ! 

[Exeunt. 


' 


98  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  hi. 

Scene  IV 

A  room  in  Page's  house 

Enter  Fenton  and  Anne  Page 

Fenton 
I  see  I  cannot  get  thy  father's  love ; 
Therefore  no  more  turn  me  to  him,  sweet  Nan. 

Anne 
Alas,  how  then? 

Fenton 
Why,  thou  must  be  thyself. 
He  doth  object  I  am  too  great  of  birth ; 
And  that,  my  state  being  gall'd  with  my  expense, 
I  seek  to  heal  it  only  by  his  wealth  : 
Besides  these,  other  bars  he  lays  before  me, 
My  riots  past,  my  wild  societies  ; 
And  tells  me  'tis  a  thing  impossible 
I  should  love  thee  but  as  a  property. 

Anne 
May  be  he  tells  you  true. 

Fenton 
No,  heaven  so  speed  me  in  my  time  to  come ! 
Albeit  I  will  confess  thy  father's  wealth 
Was  the  first  motive  that  I  woo'd  thee,  Anne : 


sliid  'tis  the  very  riches  of  thyself  that  noiv 
I  aim  at  " 


NiiVrt   \ 


sc.  iv.      MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  99 

Yet,  wooing  thee,  I  found  thee  of  more  value 
Than  stamps  in  gold  or  sums  in  sealed  bags ; 
And  'tis  the  very  riches  of  thyself 
That  now  I  aim  at. 

Anne 
Gentle  Master  Fenton, 
Yet  seek  my  father's  love  ;  still  seek  it,  sir: 
If  opportunity  and  humblest  suit 
Cannot  attain  it,  why,  then, — hark  you  hither ! 

[They  converse  apa7't. 

Enter  Shallow,  Slender,  and  Mistress 
Quickly 

Shallow 
Break  their  talk,  Mistress  Quickly:  my  kinsman  shall 
speak  for  himself. 

Slender 
I'll  make  a  shaft  or  a  bolt  on 't :  'slid,  'tis  but  venturing. 

Shallow 
Be  not  dismayed. 

Slender 
No,  she  shall  not  dismay  me :  I  care  not  for  that,  but 
that  I  am  afeared. 

Quickly 
Hark  ye ;  Master  Slender  would  speak  a  word  with 
you. 


i 


ioo  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  hi. 

Anne 
I  come  to  him.  [Aside]  This  is  my  father's  choice. 
O,  what  a  world  of  vile  ill-favour'd  faults 
Looks  handsome  in  three  hundred  pounds  a-year  ! 

Quickly 
And  how  does  good   Master   Fenton  ?     Pray   you,   a 
word  with  you. 

Shallow 

She's  coming;  to  her,  coz.  O  boy,  thou  hadst  a 
father ! 

Slender 

I  had  a  father,  Mistress  Anne ;  my  uncle  can  tell  you 
good  jests  of  him.  Pray  you,  uncle,  tell  Mistress  Anne 
the  jest,  how  my  father  stole  two  geese  out  of  a  pen, 
good  uncle. 

Shallow 

Mistress  Anne,  my  cousin  loves  you. 

Slender 
Ay,   that   I    do;    as   well   as    I   love   any   woman    in 
Gloucestershire. 

Shallow 

He  will  maintain  you  like  a  gentlewoman. 

Slender 
Ay,  that  I  will,  come  cut  and  long-tail,  under  the  degree 
of  a  squire. 


"  /  had  a  father,  Mistress  Anne  ;  my  uncle  can 
te/1  yon  good  jests  of  him  " 


sc.  iv.      MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  101 

Shallow 
He  will  make  you  a  hundred  and  fifty  pounds  jointure. 

Anne 
Good  Master  Shallow,  let  him  woo  for  himself. 

Shallow 
Marry,  I  thank  you  for  it ;  I  thank  you  for  that  good 
comfort.     She  calls  you,  coz  :  I'll  leave  you. 

Anne 
Now,  Master  Slender, — 

Slender 
Now,  good  Mistress  Anne, — 

Anne 
What  is  your  will  ? 

Slender 

My  will  1  'od's  heartlings,  that's  a  pretty  jest  indeed  1  I 
ne'er  made  my  will  yet,  I  thank  heaven ;  I  am  not  such 
a  sickly  creature,  I  give  heaven  praise. 

Anne 
I  mean,  Master  Slender,  what  would  you  with  me  ? 

Slender 
Truly,  for  mine  own  part,  I  would  little  or  nothing  with 
you.     Your  father  and  my  uncle  hath  made  motions :  if 


102  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  hi. 

it  be  my  luck,  so ;  if  not,  happy  man  be  his  dole ! 
They  can  tell  you  how  things  go  better  than  I  can: 
you  may  ask  your  father  ;  here  he  comes. 

Enter  Page  and  Mistress  Page 

Page 
Now,  Master  Slender  :  love  him,  daughter  Anne. 
Why,  how  now !  what  does  Master  Fenton  here  ? 
You  wrong  me,  sir,  thus  still  to  haunt  my  house : 
I  told  you,  sir,  my  daughter  is  disposed  of. 

Fenton 
Nay,  Master  Page,  be  not  impatient. 

Mrs.  Page 
Good  Master  Fenton,  come  not  to  my  child. 

Page 
She  is  no  match  for  you. 

Fenton 
Sir,  will  you  hear  me? 

Page 

No,  good  Master  Fenton. 
Come,  Master  Shallow  ;  come,  son  Slender,  in. 
Knowing  my  mind,  you  wrong  me,  Master  Fenton. 

[Exeunt  Page,  Shallow,  and  Slender. 

Quickly 
Speak  to  Mistress  Page. 


cr- 


sc.  iv.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  103 

Fenton 
Good  Mistress  Page,  for  that  I  love  your  daughter 
In  such  a  righteous  fashion  as  I  do, 
Perforce,  against  all  checks,  rebukes  and  manners, 
I  must  advance  the  colours  of  my  love 
And  not  retire :  let  me  have  your  good  will. 

Anne 
Good  mother,  do  not  marry  me  to  yond  fool. 

Mrs.  Page 
I  mean  it  not ;  I  seek  you  a  better  husband. 

Quickly 
That's  my  master,  master  doctor. 

Anne 
Alas,  I  had  rather  be  set  quick  i'  the  earth 
And  bowl'd  to  death  with  turnips  ! 

Mrs.  Page 
Come,  trouble  not  yourself.     Good  Master  Fenton, 
I  will  not  be  your  friend  nor  enemy  : 
My  daughter  will  I  question  how  she  loves  you, 
And  as  I  find  her,  so  am  I  affected. 
Till  then  farewell,  sir:  she  must  needs  go  in ; 
Her  father  will  be  angry. 


104  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  hi. 

Fenton 
Farewell,  gentle  mistress  :  farewell,  Nan. 

[Exeunt  Mrs.  Page  and  Anne. 

Quickly 
This  is  my  doing,  now:  'Nay,'  said  I,  'will  you  cast 
away  your  child  on  a  fool,  and  a  physician  ?     Look  on 
Master  Fenton  : '  this  is  my  doing. 

Fenton 
I  thank  thee ;  and  I  pray  thee,  once  to-night 
Give  my  sweet  Nan  this  ring  :  there's  for  thy  pains. 

Quickly 
Now  heaven  send  thee  good  fortune  1  [Exit  Fenton.]  A 
kind  heart  he  hath:  a  woman  would  run  through  fire 
and  water  for  such  a  kind  heart.  But  yet  I  would  my 
master  had  Mistress  Anne  ;  or  I  would  Master  Slender 
had  her ;  or,  in  sooth,  I  would  Master  Fenton  had  her : 
I  will  do  what  I  can  for  them  all  three  ;  for  so  I  have 
promised,  and  I'll  be  as  good  as  my  word ;  but 
speciously  for  Master  Fenton.  Well,  I  must  of  another 
errand  to  Sir  John  FalstafF  from  my  two  mistresses  : 
what  a  beast  am  I  to  slack  it !  [Exit. 


"  Thrown  in  the  Thames  " 


sc.  v.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  105 

Scene  V 

A  room  in  the  Garter  Inn 

'  Enter  Falstaff  and  Bardolph 

Falstaff 
Bardolph,  I  say, — 

Bardolph 
Here,  sir. 

Falstaff 

Go  fetch  me  a  quart  of  sack ;  put  a  toast  in't.  [Exit 
Bardolph.]  Have  I  lived  to  be  carried  in  a  basket,  like 
a  barrow  of  butcher's  offal,  and  to  be  thrown  in  the 
Thames  ?  Well,  if  I  be  served  such  another  trick,  I'll 
have  my  brains  ta'en  out  and  buttered,  and  give  them 
to  a  dog  for  a  new-year's  gift.  The  rogues  slighted  me 
into  the  river  with  as  little  remorse  as  they  would  have 
drowned  a  blind  bitch's  puppies,  fifteen  i'  the  litter:  and 
you  may  know  by  my  size  that  I  have  a  kind  of  alacrity 
in  sinking;  if  the  bottom  were  as  deep  as  hell,  I  should 
down.  I  had  been  drowned,  but  that  the  shore  was 
shelvy  and  shallow, — a  death  that  I  abhor ;  for  the 
water  swells  a  man ;  and  what  a  thing  should  I  have 
been  when  I  had  been  swelled  1  I  should  have  been  a 
mountain  of  mummy. 

Re-enter  Bardolph  with  sack 

Bardolph 
Here's  Mistress  Quickly,  sir,  to  speak  with  you. 


106  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  hi. 

Falstaff 
Come,  let  me  pour  in  some  sack  to  the  Thames  water ; 
for  my  belly's  as  cold  as  if  I  had  swallowed  snowballs 
for  pills  to  cool  the  reins.     Call  her  in. 

Bardolph 
Come  in,  woman ! 

Enter  Mistress  Quickly 

Quickly 
By   your  leave ;  I  cry  you  mercy :  give  your  worship 
good-morrow. 

Falstaff 
Take  away  these  chalices.     Go  brew  me  a  pottle  of  sack 
finely. 

Bardolph 
With  eggs,  sir? 

Falstaff 

Simple  of  itself ;  I'll  no  pullet-sperm  in  my  brewage. 

[Exit  Bardolph.]     How  now  ! 

Quickly 
Marry,  sir,    I  come   to   your  worship   from    Mistress 
Ford. 

Falstaff 
Mistress  Ford  !  I  have  had  ford  enough  ;  I  was  thrown 
into  the  ford  ;  I  have  my  belly  full  of  ford. 


sc.  v.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  107 

Quickly 
Alas  the  day !  good  heart,  that  was  not  her  fault :   she 
does   so  take  on   with   her   men;   they   mistook  their 
erection. 

Falstaff 
So   did    I    mine,   to    build    upon   a   foolish   woman's 
promise. 

Quickly 
Well,  she  laments,  sir,  for  it,  that  it  would  yearn  your 
heart  to  see  it.  Her  husband  goes  this  morning 
a-birding ;  she  desires  you  once  more  to  come  to  her 
between  eight  and  nine :  I  must  carry  her  word  quickly : 
she'll  make  you  amends,  I  warrant  you. 

Falstaff 
Well,  I  will  visit  her :  tell  her  so ;   and  bid  her  think 
what  a  man  is :   let  her  consider  his  frailty,  and  then 
judge  of  my  merit. 

Quickly 
I  will  tell  her. 

Falstaff 

Do  so.     Between  nine  and  ten,  sayest  thou  ? 

Quickly 
Eight  and  nine,  sir. 

Falstaff 
Well,  be  gone  :  I  will  not  miss  her. 


108  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  hi. 

Quickly 
Peace  be  with  you,  sir.  [Exit. 

Falstaff 
I  marvel  I  hear  not  of  Master  Brook ;  he  sent  me  word 
to  stay  within :    I   like   his   money  well.     O,   here  he 
comes. 

Enter  Ford 

Ford 
Bless  you,  sir ! 

Falstaff 
Now,    master   Brook,  you  come   to   know   what   hath 
passed  between  me  and  Ford's  wife  ? 

Ford 
That,  indeed,  Sir  John,  is  my  business. 

Falstaff 
Master  Brook,  I  will  not  lie  to  you  :  I  was  at  her  house 
the  hour  she  appointed  me. 

Ford 
And  sped  you,  sir  ? 

Falstaff 
Very  ill-favouredly,  Master  Brook. 

Ford 
How  so,  sir  ?     Did  she  change  her  determination  ? 


sc.  v.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  109 

Falstaff 
No,  Master  Brook;  but  the  peaking  Cornuto  her 
husband,  Master  Brook,  dwelling  in  a  continual  'larum 
of  jealousy,  comes  me  in  the  instant  of  our  encounter, 
after  we  had  embraced,  kissed,  protested,  and,  as  it 
were,  spoke  the  prologue  of  our  comedy;  and  at  his 
heels  a  rabble  of  his  companions,  thither  provoked  and 
instigated  by  his  distemper,  and,  forsooth,  to  search  his 
house  for  his  wife's  love. 

Ford 
What,  while  you  were  there  ? 

Falstaff 
While  I  was  there. 

Ford 

And  did  he  search  for  you,  and  could  not  find  you  ? 

Falstaff 
You  shall  hear.     As  good  luck  would  have  it,  comes 
in    one   Mistress  Page;    gives  intelligence  of  Ford's 
approach:   and,   in  her    invention    and    Ford's  'wife's 
distraction,  they  conveyed  me  into  a  buck-basket. 

Ford 
A  buck-basket  1 

Falstaff 
By  the  Lord,  a  buck-basket  1  rammed  me  in  with  foul 
shirts    and    smocks,    socks,    foul     stockings,    greasy 


no  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  hi. 

napkins;   that,    Master  Brook,  there  was  the  rankest 
compound  of  villanous  smell  that  ever  offended  nostril. 

Ford 
And  how  long  lay  you  there  ? 

Falstaff 
Nay,  you  shall  hear,  Master  Brook,  what  I  have  suffered 
to  bring  this  woman  to  evil  for  your  good.  Being  thus 
crammed  in  the  basket,  a  couple  of  Ford's  knaves,  his 
hinds,  were  called  forth  by  their  mistress  to  carry  me  in 
the  name  of  foul  clothes  to  Datchet-lane :  they  took  me 
on  their  shoulders ;  met  the  jealous  knave  their  master 
in  the  door,  who  asked  them  once  or  twice  what  they 
had  in  their  basket :  I  quaked  for  fear,  lest  the  lunatic 
knave  would  have  searched  it ;  but  fate,  ordaining  he 
should  be  a  cuckold,  held  his  hand.  Well :  on  went  he 
for  a  search,  and  away  went  I  for  foul  clothes.  But 
mark  the  sequel,  Master  Brook :  I  suffered  the  pangs  of 
three  several  deaths;  first,  an  intolerable  fright,  to  be 
detected  with  a  jealous  rotten  bell-wether;  next,  to  be 
compassed,  like  a  good  bilbo,  in  the  circumference  of  a 
peck,  hilt  to  point,  heel  to  head ;  and  then,  to  be  stopped 
in,  like  a  strong  distillation,  with  stinking  clothes  that 
fretted  in  their  own  grease:  think  of  that, — a  man  of 
my  kidney, — think  of  that, — that  am  as  subject  to  heat 
as  butter ;  a  man  of  continual  dissolution  and  thaw :  it 
was  a  miracle  to  'scape  suffocation.  And  in  the  height 
of  this  bath,  when  I  was  more  than  half  stewed  in  grease, 


sc.  v.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  in 

like  a  Dutch  dish,  to  be  thrown  into  the  Thames,  and 
cooled,  glowing  hot,  in  that  surge,  like  a  horse-shoe; 
think  of  that, — hissing  hot, — think  of  that,  Master 
Brook. 

Ford 

In  good  sadness,  sir,  I  am  sorry  that  for  my  sake  you 
have  suffered  all  this.  My  suit  then  is  desperate ;  you'll 
undertake  her  no  more  ? 

Falstaff 
Master  Brook,  I  will  be  thrown  into  Etna,  as  I  have 
been  into  the  Thames,  ere  I  will  leave  her  thus.  Her 
husband  is  this  morning  gone  a-birding:  I  have 
received  from  her  another  embassy  of  meeting;  'twixt 
eight  and  nine  is  the  hour,  Master  Brook. 

Ford 
'Tis  past  eight  already,  sir. 

Falstaff 

Is   it?   I   will   then   address   me   to   my   appointment. 

Come  to  me  at  your  convenient  leisure,  and  you  shall 

know  how  I  speed ;  and  the  conclusion  shall  be  crowned 

with  your  enjoying  her.     Adieu.     You  shall  have  her, 

Master  Brook;  Master  Brook,  you  shall  cuckold  Ford. 

{Exit. 
Ford 

Huml   hal   is  this  a  vision?   is  this  a  dream?   do  I 
sleep?     Master  Ford,  awake!   awake.     Master  Fordl 


112 


MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  hi. 


there's  a  hole  made  in  your  best  coat,  Master  Ford. 
This  'tis  to  be  married !  this  'tis  to  have  linen  and  buck- 
baskets  !  Well,  I  will  proclaim  myself  what  I  am : 
I  will  now  take  the  lecher;  he  is  at  my  house;  he 
cannot  'scape  me ;  '  tis  impossible  he  should ;  he  cannot 
creep  into  a  halfpenny  purse,  nor  into  a  pepper-box: 
but,  lest  the  devil  that  guides  him  should  aid  him,  I  will 
search  impossible  places.  Though  what  I  am  I  cannot 
avoid,  yet  to  be  what  I  would  not  shall  not  make  me 
tame :  if  I  have  horns  to  make  one  mad,  let  the  proverb 
go  with  me :  I'll  be  horn  mad.  [Exit. 


Scene  I 

A  street 

Enter  Mistress  Page,  Mistress  Quickly, 
and  William 

Mrs.  Page 
Is  he  at  Master  Ford's  already,  think'st  thou? 

"3 


114  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  iv. 

Quickly 
Sure  he  is  by  this,  or  will  be  presently :  but,  truly,  he  is 
very  courageous  mad  about  his  throwing  into  the  water. 
Mistress  Ford  desires  you  to  come  suddenly. 

Mrs.  Page 
I'll  be  with  her  by  and  by ;  I'll  but  bring  my  young 
man  here  to  school.     Look,  where  his  master  comes; 
'tis  a  playing-day,  I  see. 

Enter  Sir  Hugh  Evans 

How  now,  Sir  Hugh  !  no  school  to-day  ? 

Evans 
No ;  Master  Slender  is  let  the  boys  leave  to  play. 

Quickly 
Blessing  of  his  heart ! 

Mrs.  Page 
Sir  Hugh,   my  husband  says  my  son  profits  nothing  in 
the  world  at  his  book.     I    pray  you,   ask   him  some 
questions  in  his  accidence. 

Evans 
Come  hither,  William  ;  hold  up  your  head ;  come. 


Master  Slender  is  let  the  boys  leave  to  play" 


sc.  i.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  115 

Mrs.  Page 

Come  on,   sirrah ;    hold  up  your  head  ;    answer  your 
master,  be  not  afraid. 

Evans 

William,  how  many  numbers  is  in  nouns  ? 

William 
Two. 

Quickly 
Truly,  I   thought  there  had  been  one   number  more, 
because  they  say,  '  'Od's  nouns.' 

Evans 
Peace  your  tattlings  !     What  is  'fair,'  William? 

William 
Pulcher. 

Quickly 

Polecats  !  there  are  fairer  things  than  polecats,  sure. 

Evans 
You  are  a  very  simplicity  'oman  :  I  pray  you,  peace. 
What  is  ■  lapis,'  William  ? 

William 
A  stone. 

Evans 

And  what  is  '  a  stone,'  William  ? 


u6  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  iv. 

William 
A  pebble. 

Evans 

No,  it  is  '  lapis  : '  I  pray  you,  remember  in  your  prain. 

William 
Lapis. 

Evans 

That  is  a  good  William.     What  is  he,  William,  that 
does  lend  articles  ? 

William 

Articles  are  borrowed   of   the   pronoun,   and  be  thus 
declined,  Singulariter,  nominativo,  hie,  haec,  hoc. 

Evans 
Nominativo,  hig,  hag,  hog ;  pray  you,  mark :  genitivo, 
hujus.     Well,  what  is  your  accusative  case  ? 

William 
Accusativo,  hinc. 

Evans 

I  pray  you,  have  your  remembrance,  child ;  accusativo, 
hung,  hang,  hog. 

Quickly 

'Hang-hog'  is  Latin  for  bacon,  I  warrant  you. 

Evans 
Leave   your  prabbles,   'oman.     What   is   the  focative 
case,  William? 


sc.  i.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  117 

William 
O, — vocativo,  O. 

Evans 
Remember,  William  ;  focative  is  caret. 


Quickly 

And  that's  a  good  root. 

Evans 

'Oman,  forbear. 

Mrs.  Page 

Peace ! 

Evans 

What  is  your  genitive 

case  plural, 
William 

William  ? 

Genitive  case  1 

Evans 

Ay. 

William 
Genitive, — horum,  harum,  horum. 

Quickly 
Vengeance  of  Jenny's  case !  fie  on  her !  never  name  her, 
child,  if  she  be  a  whore. 

Evans 
For  shame,  'oman. 


n8  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  iv. 

Quickly 
You  do  ill  to  teach  the  child  such  words :  he  teaches 
him  to  hick  and  to  hack,  which  they'll  do  fast  enough 
of  themselves,  and  to  call  '  horum  ' :  fie  upon  you ! 

Evans 
'Oman,  art  thou  lunatics  ?  hast  thou  no  understandings 
for  thy  cases  and  the  numbers  of  the  genders  ?     Thou 
art  as  foolish  Christian  creatures  as  I  would  desires. 

Mrs.  Page 
Prithee,  hold  thy  peace. 

Evans 
Show   me   now,    William,    some   declensions   of    your 
pronouns. 

William 

Forsooth,  I  have  forgot. 

Evans 
It  is  qui,  quae,  quod :  if  you  forget  your  '  quies,'  your 
'quaes,'  and  your  'quods,'  you  must  be  preeches.     Go 
your  ways,  and  play ;  go. 

Mrs.  Page 
He  is  a  better  scholar  than  I  thought  he  was. 

Evans 
He  is  a  good  sprag  memory.     Farewell,  Mistress  Page. 


"Come  on,  sirratt—  answer  your  master, 
be  not  afraid  " 


sc.  ii.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  119 

Mrs.  Page 
Adieu,  good  Sir  Hugh.  [Exit  Sir  Hugh. 

Get  you  home,  boy.     Come,  we  stay  too  long. 

[Exeunt. 


Scene  II 

A  room  in  Ford's  house 

Enter  Falstaff  and  Mistress  Ford 

Falstaff 
Mistress  Ford,  your  sorrow  hath  eaten  up  my  sufferance. 
I  see  you  are  obsequious  in  your  love,  and  I  profess 
requital  to  a  hair's  breadth ;  not  only,  Mistress  Ford,  in 
the  simple  office  of  love,  but  in  all  the  accoutrement, 
complement  and  ceremony  of  it.  But  are  you  sure  of 
your  husband  now  ? 

Mrs.  Ford 
He's  a-birding,  sweet  Sir  John. 

Mrs.  Page 
[Within]  What,  ho,  gossip  Ford!  what,  ho! 

Mrs.  Ford 
Step  into  the  chamber,  Sir  John.  [Exit  Falstaff. 


120  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  iv. 

Enter  Mistress  Page 

Mrs.  Page 
How  now,  sweetheart!    who's  at  home  besides  your- 
self? 

Mrs.  Ford 
Why,  none  but  mine  own  people. 

Mrs.  Page 
Indeed ! 

Mrs.  Ford 
No,  certainly.  [Aside  to  hei^  Speak  louder. 

Mrs.  Page 
Truly,  I  am  so  glad  you  have  nobody  here. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Why? 

Mrs.  Page 
Why,  woman,  your  husband  is  in  his  old  lunes  again : 
he  so  takes  on  yonder  with  my  husband;  so  rails 
against  all  married  mankind ;  so  curses  all  Eve's 
daughters,  of  what  complexion  soever;  and  so  buffets 
himself  on  the  forehead,  crying,  '  Peer  out,  peer  out ! ' 
that  any  madness  I  ever  yet  beheld  seemed  but  tameness, 
civility  and  patience,  to  this  his  distemper  he  is  in  now : 
I  am  glad  the  fat  knight  is  not  here. 


sc.  ii.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  121 

Mrs.  Ford 
Why,  does  he  talk  of  him? 

Mrs.  Page 
Of  none  but  him ;  and  swears  he  was  carried  out,  the 
last  time  he  searched  for  him,  in  a  basket;  protests  to 
my  husband  he  is  now  here,  and  hath  drawn  him  and 
the  rest  of  their  company  from  their  sport,  to  make 
another  experiment  of  his  suspicion :  but  I  am  glad  the 
knight  is  not  here ;  now  we  shall  see  his  own  foolery. 

Mrs.  Ford 
How  near  is  he,  Mistress  Page? 

Mrs.  Page 
Hard  by ;  at  street  end ;  he  will  be  here  anon. 

Mrs.  Ford 
I  am  undone !     The  knight  is  here. 

Mrs.  Page 
Why  then  you  are  utterly  shamed,  and  he's  but  a  dead 
man.     What  a  woman  are  you  ! — Away  with  him,  away 
with  him !  better  shame  than  murder. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Which  way  should  he  go?    how  should   I  bestow  him? 
Shall  I  put  him  into  the  basket  again? 


122  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  iv. 

Re-enter  Falstaff 

Falstaff 
No  I'll  come  no  more  i'  the  basket.      May  I  not  go  out 
ere  he  come  ? 

Mrs.  Page 
Alas,  three  of  Master  Ford's  brothers  watch  the  door 
with  pistols,  that  none  shall  issue  out;  otherwise  you 
might  slip  away  ere  he  came.     But  what  make  you 
here? 

Falstaff 
What  shall  I  do  ?     I'll  creep  up  into  the  chimney. 

Mrs.  Ford 
There  they  always  use  to  discharge  their  birding-pieces. 
Creep  into  the  kiln-hole. 

Falstaff 
Where  is  it  P 

Mrs.  Ford 
He  will  seek  there,  on  my  word.      Neither  press,  coffer, 
chest,  trunk,  well,  vault,  but  he  hath  an  abstract  for  the 
remembrance  of  such  places,  and  goes  to  them  by  his 
note :  there  is  no  hiding  you  in  the  house. 

Falstaff 
I'll  go  out  then. 


sc.  ii.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  123 

Mrs.  Page 
If  you  go  out  in  your  own  semblance,  you  die,  Sir  John. 
Unless  you  go  out  disguised — 

Mrs.  Ford 
How  might  we  disguise  him  ? 

Mrs.  Page 
Alas  the  day,  I  know  notl     There  is  no  woman's  gown 
big  enough  for  him ;  otherwise  he  might  put  on  a  hat, 
a  muffler  and  a  kerchief,  and  so  escape. 

Falstaff 
Good  hearts,  devise  something:  any  extremity  rather 
than  a  mischief. 

Mrs.  Ford 
My  maid's  aunt,  the  fat  woman  of  Brentford,  has  a 

gown  above. 

Mrs.  Page 

On  my  word,  it  will  serve  him;  she's  as  big  as  he  is: 
and  there's  her  thrummed  hat  and  her  muffler  too. 
Run  up,  Sir  John. 

Mrs.  Ford 

Go,  go,  sweet  Sir  John :  Mistress  Page  and  I  will  look 
some  linen  for  your  head. 

Mrs.  Page 
Quick,  quick  1  we'll  come  dress  you  straight :  put  on 
the  gown  the  while.  [Exit  Falstaff. 


124  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  iv. 

Mrs.  Ford 
I  would  my  husband  would  meet  him  in  this  shape :  he 
cannot  abide  the  old  woman  of  Brentford;  he  swears 
she's    a    witch;    forbade    her    my    house     and    hath 
threatened  to  beat  her. 

Mrs.  Page 
Heaven  guide  him  to  thy  husband's  cudgel,  and  the 
devil  guide  his  cudgel  afterwards ! 

Mrs.  Ford 
But  is  my  husband  coming  ? 

Mrs.  Page 
Ay,  in  good  sadness,  is  he ;  and  talks  of  the  basket  too, 
howsoever  he  hath  had  intelligence. 

Mrs.  Ford 
We'll  try  that ;  for  I'll  appoint  my  men  to  carry  the 
basket  again,  to  meet  him  at  the.  door  with  it,  as  they 
did  last  time. 

Mrs.  Page 
Nay,  but  he'll  be  here  presently :  let's  go  dress  him  like 
the  witch  of  Brentford. 

Mrs.  Ford 
I'll  first  direct  my  men  what  they  shall  do  with  the 
basket.     Go  up  ;  I'll  bring  linen  for  him  straight. 

[Exit. 


sc.  ii.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  125 

Mrs.  Page 

Hang  him,  dishonest  varlet!  we  cannot  misuse  him 
enough. 

We'll  leave  a  proof,  by  that  which  we  will  do, 

Wives  may  be  merry,  and  yet  honest  too  ; 

We  do  not  act  that  often  jest  and  laugh  ; 

'Tis  old,  but  true,  Still  swine  eat  all  the  draff. 

{Exit. 

Re-enter  Mistress  Ford  with  two  Servants 

Mrs.  Ford 

Go,  sirs,  take  the  basket  again  on  your  shoulders  :  your 
master  is  hard  at  door ;  if  he  bid  you  set  it  down,  obey 
him  :  quickly,  despatch.  [Exit. 

First  Servant 
Come,  come,  take  it  up. 

Second  Servant 
Pray  heaven  it  be  not  full  of  knight  again. 

First  Servant 
I  hope  not ;  I  had  as  lief  bear  so  much  lead. 


126  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  iv.     ' 

Enter  Ford,  Page,  Shallow,  Caius,  and 
Sir  Hugh  Evans 

Ford 
Ay,  but  if  it  prove  true,  Master  Page,  have  you  any 
way  then  to  unfool  me  again  ?  Set  down  the  basket, 
villain  !  Somebody  call  my  wife.  Youth  in  a  basket ! 
O  you  panderly  rascals !  there's  a  knot,  a  ging,  a  pack, 
a  conspiracy  against  me :  now  shall  the  devil  be  shamed. 
What,  wife,  I  say  1  Come,  come  forth  !  Behold  what 
honest  clothes  you  send  forth  to  bleaching  ! 

Page 

Why,  this   passes,  Master  Ford ;   you  are  not  to  go 
loose  any  longer;  you  must  be  pinioned. 

Evans 
Why  this  is  lunatics  !  this  is  mad  as  a  mad  dog ! 

Shallow 
Indeed,  Master  Ford,  this  is  not  well,  indeed. 

Ford 
So  say  I  too,  sir. 

Re-enter  Mistress  Ford 

Come  hither,  Mistress  Ford  ;  Mistress  Ford,  the  honest 
woman,  the   modest  wife,  the  virtuous   creature,  that 


u Are  you  not  ashamed?  let  the  clothes  atone 


sc.  ii.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  127 

hath  the  jealous  fool  to  her  husband  !     I  suspect  without 
cause,  mistress,  do  I  ? 

Mrs.  Ford 
Heaven  be  my  witness  you  do,  if  you  suspect  me  in  any 
dishonesty. 

Ford 
Well  said,  brazen-face!  hold  it  out.    Come  forth, sirrah ! 

\Pulling  clothes  out  of  the  basket. 

Page 
This  passes ! 

Mrs.  Ford 

Are  you  not  ashamed  ?  let  the  clothes  alone. 

Ford 
I  shall  find  you  anon. 

Evans 
'Tis   unreasonable !      Will   you    take   up  your   wife's 
clothes  ?     Come  away. 

Ford 
Empty  the  basket,  I  say  I 

Mrs.  Ford 
Why,  man,  why? 

Ford 
Master  Page,  as  I  am  a  man,  there  was  one  conveyed 
out  of  my  house  yesterday  in  this  basket :  why  may  not 


128  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  iv. 

he  be  there  again  ?  In  my  house  I  am  sure  he  is:  my 
intelligence  is  true;  my  jealousy  is  reasonable.  Pluck 
me  out  all  the  linen. 

Mrs.  Ford 
If  you  find  a  man  there,  he  shall  die  a  flea's  death. 

Page 
Here's  no  man. 

Shallow 
By  my  fidelity,   this  is  not  well,   Master   Ford;    this 
wrongs  you. 

Evans 

Master  Ford,  you  must  pray,  and  not  follow  the 
imaginations  of  your  own  heart :  this  is  jealousies. 

Ford 
Well,  he's  not  here  I  seek  for. 

Page 
No,  nor  nowhere  else  but  in  your  brain. 

Ford 
Help  to  search  my  house  this  one  time.  If  I  find  not 
what  I  seek,  show  no  colour  for  my  extremity ;  let  me 
for  ever  be  your  table-sport ;  let  them  say  of  me,  '  As 
jealous  as  Ford,  that  searched  a  hollow  walnut  for  his 
wife's  leman.'  Satisfy  me  once  more ;  once  more  search 
with  me. 


sc.  ii.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  129 

Mrs.  Ford 
What,  ho,  Mistress  Page  I  come  you  and  the  old  woman 
down ;  my  husband  will  come  into  the  chamber. 

Ford 
Old  woman  !  what  old  woman's  that  ? 

Mrs.  Ford 
Why,  it  is  my  maid's  aunt  of  Brentford. 

Ford 
A  witch,  a  quean,  an  old  cozening  quean  !  Have  I  not 
forbid  her  my  house  ?  She  comes  of  errands,  does  she  ? 
We  are  simple  men;  we  do  not  know  what's  brought  to 
pass  under  the  profession  of  fortune-telling.  She  works 
by  charms,  by  spells,  by  the  figure,  and  such  daubery  as 
this  is,  beyond  our  element :  we  know  nothing.  Come 
down,  you  witch,  you  hag,  you  ;  come  down,  I  say ! 

Mrs.  Ford 
Nay,  good,  sweet  husband  !     Good  gentlemen,  let  him 
not  strike  the  old  woman. 

Re-enter  Falstaff  in  woman's  clothes^  and 
Mistress  Page 

Mrs.  Page 
Come,  Mother  Prat ;  come,  give  me  your  hand. 


130  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  iv. 

Ford 
I'll   prat   her.     [Beating  hint]    Out  of  my  door,  you 
witch,  you  hag,  you  baggage,  you  pole-cat,  you  ronyon ! 
out,  out!     I'll  conjure  you,  I'll  fortune-tell  you. 

[Exit  Falstaff. 

Mrs.  Page 
Are   you  not  ashamed  ?     I  think  you  have  killed  the 
poor  woman. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Nay,  he  will  do  it.     'Tis  a  goodly  credit  for  you. 

Ford 
Hang  her,  witch  ! 

Evans 
By  yea  and  no,  I  think  the  'oman  is  a  witch  indeed : 
I  like  not  when  a  'oman  has  a  great  peard  ;  I  spy  a 
great  peard  under  his  muffler. 

Ford 
Will  you  follow,  gentlemen  ?     I  beseech  you,  follow  ; 
see  but  the  issue  of  my  jealousy :  if  I  cry  out  thus  upon 
no  trail,  never  trust  me  when  I  open  again. 

Page 
Let's  obey  his  humour  a  little  further :  come,  gentlemen. 
[Exeunt  Ford,  Page,  Shallow,  Caius,  and  Evans. 


"  Out  of  my  door,  you  witch  " 


mi£l! 


sc.  ii.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  131 

Mrs.  Page 
Trust  me,  he  beat  him  most  pitifully. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Nay,  by  the  mass,  that  he  did  not ;  he  beat  him  most 
unpitifully,  methought. 

Mrs.  Page 
I'll  have  the  cudgel  hallowed  and  hung  o'er  the  altar ; 
it  hath  done  meritorious  service. 

Mrs.  Ford 
What  think  you  ?  may  we,  with  the  warrant  of  woman- 
hood and  the  witness  of  a  good  conscience,  pursue  him 
with  any  further  revenge  ? 

Mrs.  Page 
The  spirit  of  wantonness  is,  sure,  scared  out  of  him :  if 
the  devil  have  him  not  in  fee-simple,  with  fine  and 
recovery,  he  will  never,  I  think,  in  the  way  of  waste, 
attempt  us  again. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Shall  we  tell  our  husbands  how  we  have  served  him  ? 

Mrs.  Page 
Yes,  by  all  means  ;  if  it  be  but  to  scrape  the  figures  out 
of  your  husband's  brains.     If  they  can  find  in  their 


132  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  iv. 

hearts   the   poor   unvirtuous   fat   knight   shall  be  any- 
further  afflicted,  we  two  will  still  be  the  ministers. 

Mrs.  Ford 
I'll  warrant   they'll  have   him   publicly  shamed  :   and 
methinks  there  would  be  no  period  to  the  jest,  should 
he  not  be  publicly  shamed. 

Mrs.  Page 
Come,  to  the  forge  with  it  then  ;  shape  it :  I  would  not 
have  things  cool.  [Exeunt. 


Scene  III 

A  room  in  the  Garter  Inn 

Enter  Host  and  Bardolph 

Bardolph 
Sir,  the  Germans  desire  to  have  three  of  your  horses  : 
the  duke  himself  will  be  to-morrow  at  court,  and  they 
are  going  to  meet  him. 

Host 
What  duke  should  that  be  comes  so  secretly?     I  hear 
not   of   him   in   the   court.     Let    me   speak   with   the 
gentlemen  :  they  speak  English  ? 


sc.  iv.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  133 

Bardolph 
Ay,  sir;  I'll  call  them  to  you. 

Host 
They  shall  have  my  horses;  but  I'll  make  them  pay; 
I'll  sauce   them:  they  have  had  my  house  a  week  at 
command;  I  have  turned  away  my  other  guests:  they 
must  come  off ;  I'll  sauce  them.     Come.  [Exeunt. 


Scene  IV 

A  room  in  Ford's  house 

Enter  Page,  Ford,  Mistress  Page,  Mistress  Ford, 
and  Sir  Hugh  Evans 

Evans 
Tis  one  of  the  best  discretions  of  a   oman  as  ever  I 
did  look  upon. 

Page 
And  did  he  send  you  both  these  letters  at  an  instant  ? 

Mrs.  Page 
Within  a  quarter  of  an  hour. 


134  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  iv. 

Ford 
Pardon  me,  wife.      Henceforth  do  what  thou  wilt ; 
I  rather  will  suspect  the  sun  with  cold 
Than  thee  with  wantonness  :  now   doth    thy   honour 
stand, 

In  him  that  was  of  late  an  heretic, 
As  firm  as  faith. 

Page 
'Tis  well,  'tis  well ;  no  more  : 
Be  not  as  extreme  in  submission 
As  in  offence. 

But  let  our  plot  go  forward  :  let  our  wives 
Yet  once  again,  to  make  us  public  sport, 
Appoint  a  meeting  with  this  old  fat  fellow, 
Where  we  may  take  him  and  disgrace  him  for  it. 

Ford 
There  is  no  better  way  than  that  they  spoke  of. 

Page 
How?  to  send  him  word  they'll  meet  him  in  the  park 
at  midnight  ?     Fie,  fie !  he'll  never  come. 

Evans 
You  say  he  has  been  thrown  in  the  rivers  and   has 
been  grievously  peaten  as  an  old  'oman  :  methinks  there 
should  be  terrors  in  him  that  he  should   not   come ; 


sc.  iv.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  135 

methinks   his   flesh    is    punished,    he   shall    have    no 
desires. 

Page 
So  think  I  too. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Devise  but  how  you'll  use  him  when  he  comes, 
And  let  us  two  devise  to  bring  him  thither. 

Mrs.  Page 
There  is  an  old  tale  goes  that  Heme  the  hunter, 
Sometime  a  keeper  here  in  Windsor  Forest, 
Doth  all  the  winter-time,  at  still  midnight, 
Walk  round  about  an  oak,  with  great  ragg'd  horns ; 
And  there  he  blasts  the  tree  and  takes  the  cattle 
And  makes  milch-kine  yield  blood  and  shakes  a  chain 
In  a  most  hideous  and  dreadful  manner : 
You  have  heard  of  such  a  spirit,  and  well  you  know 
The  superstitious  idle-headed  eld 
Received  and  did  deliver  to  our  age 
This  tale  of  Heme  the  hunter  for  a  truth. 

Page 
Why,  yet  there  want  not  many  that  do  fear 
In  deep  of  night  to  walk  by  this  Heme's  oak  : 
But  what  of  this? 

Mrs.  Ford 
Marry,  this  is  our  device  ; 
That  Falstaff  at  that  oak  shall  meet  with  us. 


136  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  iv. 

Page 
Well,  let  it  not  be  doubted  but  he'll  come: 
And    in    this    shape   when   you    have    brought    him 
thither, 
What  shall  be  done  with  him  ?  what  is  your  plot  ? 


Mrs.  Page 
That  likewise  have  we  thought  upon,  and  thus  : 
Nan  Page  my  daughter  and  my  little  son 
And  three  or  four  more  of  their  growth  we'll  dress 
Like  urchins,  ouphes  and  fairies,  green  and  white, 
With  rounds  of  waxen  tapers  on  their  heads, 
And  rattles  in  their  hands  :  upon  a  sudden, 
As  Falstaff,  she  and  I,  are  newly  met, 
Let  them  from  forth  a  sawpit  rush  at  once 
With  some  diffused  song  :  upon  their  sight, 
We  two  in  great  amazedness  will  fly  : 
Then  let  them  all  encircle  him  about 
And,  fairy-like,  to-pinch  the  unclean  knight, 
And  ask  him  why,  that  hour  of  fairy  revel, 
In  their  so  sacred  paths  he  dares  to  tread 
In  shape  profane. 

Mrs.  Ford 
And  till  he  tell  the  truth, 
Let  the  supposed  fairies  pinch  him  sound 
And  burn  him  with  their  tapers. 


"  Then  let  ihcnt  all  encircle  him  about  " 


sc.  iv.       MERRY   WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  137 

Mrs.  Page 
The  truth  being  known, 

We'll  all  present  ourselves,  dis-horn  the  spirit, 
And  mock  him  home  to  Windsor. 

Ford 
The  children  must 
Be  practised  well  to  this,  or  they'll  ne'er  do't. 

Evans 
I  will  teach  the  children  their  behaviours  ;  and  I  will 
be  like  a  jack-an-apes  also,  to  burn  the  knight  with  my 
taber. 

Ford 
That  will  be  excellent.     I'll  go  and  buy  them  vizards. 

Mrs.  Page 
My  Nan  shall  be  the  queen  of  all  the  fairies, 
Finely  attired  in  a  robe  of  white. 

Page 
That    silk   will    I    go    buy.     [Aside]    And    in    tha 
time 

Shall  Master  Slender  steal  my  Nan  away 
And    marry    her    at    Eton.      Go    send    to    Falstaff 
straight. 


138  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  iv. 

Ford 
Nay,  I'll  to  him  again  in  name  of  Brook  : 
He'll  tell  me  all  his  purpose  :  sure,  he'll  come. 

Mrs.  Page 
Fear  not  you  that.     Go  get  us  properties 
And  tricking  for  our  fairies. 

Evans 
Let  us  about  it :    it  is  admirable  pleasures   and   fery 
honest  knaveries.       [Exeunt  Page,  Ford,  and  Evans. 

Mrs.  Page 
Go,  Mistress  Ford, 
Send  quickly  to  Sir  John,  to  know  his  mind. 

[Exit  Mrs.  Ford. 
I'll  to  the  doctor :  he  hath  my  good  will, 
And  none  but  he,  to  marry  with  Nan  Page. 
That  Slender,  though  well  landed,  is  an  idiot ; 
And  he  my  husband  best  of  all  affects. 
The  doctor  is  well  money'd,  and  his  friends 
Potent  at  court :  he,  none  but  he,  shall  have  her, 
Though  twenty  thousand  worthier  come  to  crave  her. 

[Exit. 


sc.  v.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  139 

Scene  V 

A  room  in  the  Garter  Inn 

Enter  Host  and  Simple 

Host 
What   wouldst   thou   have,   boor?    what,   thick-skin? 
speak,  breathe,  discuss ;  brief,  short,  quick,  snap. 

Simple 
Marry,  sir,  I  come  to  speak  with  Sir  John  Falstaff  from 
Master  Slender. 

Host 
There's  his  chamber,  his  house,  his  castle,  his  standing- 
bed  and  truckle-bed  ;  'tis  painted  about  with  the  story 
of  the  Prodigal,  fresh  and  new.  Go  knock  and  call  ; 
he'll  speak  like  an  Anthropophaginian  unto  thee : 
knock,  I  say. 

Simple 
There's  an  old  woman,  a  fat  woman,  gone  up  into  his 
chamber:   I'll  be  so  bold  as  stay,  sir,   till  she  come 
down  ;  I  come  to  speak  with  her,  indeed. 

Host 
Ha!  a  fat  woman!  the  knight  may  be  robbed:    I'll 
call.     Bully  knight!  bully  Sir  John!  speak  from  thy 


Ho  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  iv. 

lungs  military :  art  thou  there  ?  it  is  thine  host,  thine 
Ephesian,  calls. 

Falstaff 
[Above]  How  now,  mine  host ! 

Host 
Here's  a  Bohemian-Tartar  tarries  the  coming  down 
of  thy  fat  woman.     Let  her  descend,   bully,   let  her 
descend  ;  my  chambers  are  honourable  :  fie  !  privacy  ? 
fie! 

Enter  Falstaff 

Falstaff 
There  was,  mine  host,  an  old  fat  woman   even   now 
with  me  ;  but  she's  gone. 

Simple 
Pray     you,     sir,    was't     not     the     wise    woman     of 
Brentford  ? 

Falstaff 
Ay,  marry,  was  it,  mussel-shell :   what  would  you  with 
her? 

Simple 
My  master,  sir,  Master  Slender,  sent  to  her,  seeing  her 
go  thorough  the  streets,  to  know,  sir,  whether  one  Nym, 
sir,    that   beguiled    him    of    a   chain,    had   the   chain 
or  no. 


sc.  v.        MERRY  WIVES  OF   WINDSOR  141 

Falstaff 
I  spake  with  the  old  woman  about  it. 

Simple 
And  what  says  she,  I  pray,  sir  ? 

Falstaff 
Marry,  she  says  that  the  very  same  man  that  beguiled 
Master  Slender  of  his  chain  cozened  him  of  it. 

Simple 
I  would  I  could  have  spoken  with  the  woman  herself; 
I  had  other  things  to  have  spoken  with  her  too  from 
him. 

Falstaff 

What  are  they  ?  let  us  know. 

Host 
Ay,  come ;  quick. 

Simple 

I  may  not  conceal  them,  sir. 

Host 
Conceal  them,  or  thou  diest. 

Simple 
Why,  sir,  they  were  nothing  but  about  Mistress  Anne 
Page  ;  to  know  if  it  were  my  master's  fortune  to  have 
her  or  no. 


142  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  iv. 

Falstaff 
'Tis,  'tis  his  fortune. 

Simple 
What,  sir? 

Falstaff 
To    have    her,    or    no.     Go ;    say    the    woman    told 
me  so. 

Simple 
May  I  be  bold  to  say  so,  sir  ? 

Falstaff 
Ay,  sir ;  like  who  more  bold. 

Simple 
I  thank  your  worship :   I  shall  make  my  master  glad 
with  these  tidings.  [Exit. 

Host 
Thou  art  clerkly,  thou  art  clerkly,  Sir  John.      Was 
there  a  wise  woman  with  thee  ? 

Falstaff 

Ay,  that  there  was,  mine  host ;  one  that  hath  taught 
me  more  wit  than  ever  I  learned  before  in  my  life  ; 
and  I  paid  nothing  for  it  neither,  but  was  paid  for  my 
learning. 


sc.  v.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  143 

Enter  Bardolph 

Bardolph 
Out,  alas,  sir !  cozenage,  mere  cozenage  ! 

Host 
Where  be  my  horses  ?  speak  well  of  them,  varletto. 

Bardolph 
Run  away  with  the  cozeners  ;  for  so  soon  as  I  came 
beyond  Eton,  they  threw  me  off  from  behind  one  of 
them,  in  a  slough  of  mire  ;  and  set  spurs  and  away, 
like  three  German  devils,  three  Doctor  Faustuses. 

Host 
They  are  gone  but  to  meet  the  duke,  villain  ;  do  not 
say  they  be  fled  ;  Germans  are  honest  men. 

Enter  Sir  Hugh  Evans 

Evans 
Where  is  mine  host  ? 

Host 
What  is  the  matter,  sir  ? 

Evans 
Have  a  care  of  your  entertainments  :  there  is  a  friend 
of  mine  come  to  town,  tells  me  there  is  three  cozen- 


144  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR     act  iv. 

Germans  that  has  cozened  all  the  hosts  of  Readings,  of 
Maidenhead,  of  Colebrook,  of  horses  and  money.  I 
tell  you  for  good  will,  look  you  :  you  are  wise  and  full 
of  gibes  and  vlouting-stocks,  and  'tis  not  convenient 
you  should  be  cozened.     Fare  you  well.  [Exit. 

Enter  Doctor  Caius 

Caius 
Vere  is  mine  host  de  Jarteer  ? 

Host 
Here,    master    doctor,    in    perplexity    and    doubtful 
dilemma. 

Caius 
I  cannot  tell  vat  is  dat :  but  it  is  tell-a  me  dat  you 
make  grand  preparation  for  a  duke  de  Jamany:  by 
my  trot,  dere  is  no  duke  dat  the  court  is  know  to 
come.     I  tell  you  for  good  vill  :  adieu.  [Exit. 

Host 
Hue  and  cry,  villain,  go !     Assist  me,  knight.     I  am 
undone !      Fly,    run,    hue   and    cry,    villain  !       I    am 
undone  !  [Exeunt  Host  and  Bardolph. 

Falstaff 
I  would  all  the  world  might  be  cozened  ;  for  I  have 
been  cozened  and  beaten  too.     If  it  should  come  to 


sc.  v.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  145 

the  ear  of  the  court,  how  I  have  been  transformed  and 
how  my  transformation  hath  been  washed  and 
cudgelled,  they  would  melt  me  out  of  my  fat  drop  by 
drop  and  liquor  fishermen's  boots  with  me  :  I  warrant 
they  would  whip  me  with  their  fine  wits  till  I  were  as 
crest-fallen  as  a  dried  pear.  I  never  prospered  since 
I  forswore  myself  at  primero.  Well,  if  my  wind  were 
but  long  enough  to  say  my  prayers,  I  would  repent. 

Enter  Mistress  Quickly 

Now,  whence  come  you  ? 

Quickly 
From  the  two  parties,  forsooth. 

Falstaff 
The  devil  take  one  party  and  his  dam  the  other  !  and 
so  they  shall  be  both  bestowed.     I  have  suffered  more 
for  their  sakes,  more  than  the  villanous  inconstancy  of 
man's  disposition  is  able  to  bear. 

Quickly 
And    have    not    they    suffered  ?     Yes,     I    warrant ; 
speciously  one  of  them  ;  Mistress  Ford,  good  heart,  is 
beaten  black  and  blue,  that  you  cannot  see  a  white 
spot  about  her. 


146 


MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  iv. 


Falstaff 
What  tellest  thou  me  of  black  and  blue  ?  I  was 
beaten  myself  into  all  the  colours  of  the  rainbow  ;  and 
I  was  like  to  be  apprehended  for  the  witch  of  Brentford : 
but  that  my  admirable  dexterity  of  wit,  my  counter- 
feiting the  action  of  an  old  woman,  delivered  me,  the 
knave  constable  had  set  me  i'  the  stocks,  i'  the  com- 
mon stocks,  for  a  witch. 

Quickly 
Sir,  let  me  speak  with  you  in  your  chamber  :  you  shall 
hear  how  things  go ;  and,  I  warrant,  to  your  content. 
Here  is  a  letter  will  say  somewhat.  Good  hearts, 
what  ado  here  is  to  bring  you  together !  Sure,  one  of 
you  does  not  serve  heaven  well,  that  you  are  so 
crossed. 

Falstaff 
Come  up  into  my  chamber.  \Exeunt. 


sc.  vi.       MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  147 

Scene  VI 

A?wther  room  in  the  Garter  Inn 

Enter  Fenton  andWosi 

Host 
Master  Fenton,  talk  not  to  me  ;  my  mind  is  heavy  :   I 
will  give  over  all. 

Fenton 
Yet  hear  me  speak.     Assist  me  in  my  purpose, 
And,  as  I  am  a  gentleman,  I'll  give  thee 
A  hundred  pound  in  gold  more  than  your  loss. 

Host 
I  will  hear  you,   Master  Fenton ;  and   I   will  at  the 
least  keep  your  counsel. 

Fenton 
From  time  to  time  I  have  acquainted  you 
With  the  dear  love  I  bear  to  fair  Anne  Page  ; 
Who  mutually  hath  answer'd  my  affection, 
So  far  forth  as  herself  might  be  her  chooser, 
Even  to  my  wish  :   I  have  a  letter  from  her 
Of  such  contents  as  you  will  wonder  at  ; 
The  mirth  whereof  so  larded  with  my  matter, 
That  neither  singly  can  be  manifested, 
Without  the  show  of  both  ;  fat  Falstaff 


148  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  iv. 

Hath  a  great  scene  :  the  image  of  the  jest 

I'll  show  you  here  at  large.     Hark,  good  mine  host. 

To-night  at  Heme's  oak,  just  'twixt  twelve  and  one, 

Must  my  sweet  Nan  present  the  Fairy  Queen ; 

The  purpose  why,  is  here :  in  which  disguise, 

While  other  jests  are  something  rank  on  foot, 

Her  father  hath  commanded  her  to  slip 

Away  with  Slender  and  with  him  at  Eton 

Immediately  to  marry  :  she  hath  consented: 

Now,  sir, 

Her  mother,  ever  strong  against  that  match 

And  firm  for  Doctor  Caius,  hath  appointed 

That  he  shall  likewise  shuffle  her  away, 

While  other  sports  are  tasking  of  their  minds, 

And  at  the  deanery,  where  a  priest  attends, 

Straight  marry  her  :  to  this  her  mother's  plot 

She  seemingly  obedient  likewise  hath 

Made  promise  to  the  doctor.     Now,  thus  it  rests  : 

Her  father  means  she  shall  be  all  in  white, 

And  in  that  habit,  when  Slender  sees  his  time 

To  take  her  by  the  hand  and  bid  her  go, 

She  shall  go  with  him  :  her  mother  hath  intended, 

The  better  to  denote  her  to  the  doctor, 

For  they  must  all  be  mask'd  and  vizarded, 

That  quaint  in  green  she  shall  be  loose  enrobed, 

With  ribands  pendent,  flaring  'bout  her  head ; 

And  when  the  doctor  spies  his  vantage  ripe, 

To  pinch  her  by  the  hand,  and,  on  that  token, 

The  maid  hath  given  consent  to  go  with  him. 


SC.   VI. 


MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR 


149 


Host 
Which  means  she  to  deceive,  father  or  mother  ? 

Fenton 
Both,  my  good  host,  to  go  along  with  me  : 
And  here  it  rests,  that  you'll  procure  the  vicar 
To  stay  for  me  at  church  'twixt  twelve  and  one, 
And,  in  the  lawful  name  of  marrying, 
To  give  our  hearts  united  ceremony. 

Host 
Well,  husband  your  device  ;  I'll  to  the  vicar: 
Bring  you  the  maid,  you  shall  not  lack  a  priest. 


Fenton 
So  shall  I  evermore  be  bound  to  thee  ; 
Besides,  I'll  make  a  present  recompense. 


[Exeunt. 


^T^^v^TT^^^ 


Scene  I 

A  room  in  the  Garter  Inn 

Enter  Falstaff  and  Mistress  Quickly 

Falstaff 
Prithee,  no  more  prattling :  go.  I'll  hold.  This  is 
the  third  time ;  I  hope  good  luck  lies  in  odd  num- 
bers. Away!  go.  They  say  there  is  divinity  in 
odd  numbers,  either  in  nativity,  chance,  or  death. 
Away  ! 

151 


152  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  v. 

Quickly 

I'll  provide  you  a  chain ;  and  I'll  do  what  I  can  to  get 
you  a  pair  of  horns. 

Falstaff 
Away,   I   say ;  time   wears  :  hold  up  your  head,  and 
mince.  {Exit  Mrs.  Quickly. 

Enter  Ford 

How  now,  Master  Brook !  Master  Brook,  the  matter 
will  be  known  to-night,  or  never.  Be  you  in  the  Park 
about  midnight,  at  Heme's  oak,  and  you  shall  see 
wonders. 

Ford 
Went  you  not  to  her  yesterday,  sir,  as  you  told  me 
you  had  appointed  ? 

Falstaff 
I  went  to  her,  Master  Brook,  as  you  see,  like  a  poor 
old  man :  but  I  came  from  her,  Master  Brook,  like  a 
poor  old  woman.  That  same  knave  Ford,  her 
husband,  hath  the  finest  mad  devil  of  jealousy  in  him, 
Master  Brook,  that  ever  governed  frenzy.  I  will  tell 
you  :  he  beat  me  grievously,  in  the  shape  of  a  woman  ; 
for  in  the  shape  of  man,  Master  Brook,  I  fear  not 
Goliath  with  a  weaver's  beam ;  because  I  know  also 
life  is  a  shuttle.  I  am  in  haste ;  go  along  with  me : 
I'll  tell  you  all,  Master  Brook.     Since  I  plucked  geese, 


sc.  ii.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  153 

played  truant  and  whipped  top,  I  knew  not  what  'twas 
to  be  beaten  till  lately.  Follow  me:  I'll  tell  you 
strange  things  of  this  knave  Ford,  on  whom  to-night  I 
will  be  revenged,  and  I  will  deliver  his  wife  into  your 
hand.  Follow.  Strange  things  in  hand,  Master  Brook ! 
Follow.  \Exeunt. 


Scene  II 

Windsor  Park 

Enter  Page,  Shallow,  and  Slender 

Page 
Come,  come ;  we'll  couch  i'  the  castle-ditch  till  we  see 
the  light  of  our  fairies.     Remember,  son  Slender,  my 
daughter. 

Slender 

Ay,  forsooth  ;  I  have  spoke  with  her  and  we  have  a 
nay-word  how  to  know  one  another  :  I  come  to  her  in 
white,  and  cry  'mum;'  she  cries  'budget;'  and  by 
that  we  know  one  another. 

Shallow 
That's  good  too :  but  what  needs  either  your  '  mum ' 
or  her   '  budget  ? '   the  white  will  decipher  her  well 
enough,     k  hath  struck  ten  o'clock. 


154  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR      act  v. 

Page 
The  night  is  dark ;   light  and  spirits  will   become  it 
well.     Heaven  prosper  our  sport !     No  man   means 
evil  but  the  devil,   and  we  shall   know  him   by    his 
horns.     Let's  away  ;  follow  me.  \Exeunt. 


Scene  III 

A  street  leading  to  the  Park 

Enter  Mistress  Page,  Mistress  Ford,  and 
Doctor  Caius 

Mrs.  Page. 
Master  doctor,  my  daughter  is  in  green  :  when  you 
see  your  time,  take  her  by  the  hand,  away  with  her 
to  the  deanery,  and  despatch  it  quickly.     Go  before 
into  the  Park  :  we  two  must  go  together. 

Caius 
I  know  vat  I  have  to  do.     Adieu. 

Mrs.  Page 
Fare  you  well,  sir.  [Exit  Caius.]  My  husband  will  not 
rejoice  so  much  at  the  abuse  of  FalstafT  as  he  will 


sc.  in.     MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  155 

chafe  at  the  doctor's  marrying  my  daughter :  but  'tis 
no  matter ;  better  a  little  chiding  than  a  great  deal  of 
heart-break. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Where  is  Nan  now  and  her  troop  of  fairies,  and  the 
Welsh  devil  Hugh  ? 

Mrs.  Page 
They  are  all  couched  in  a  pit  hard  by  Heme's  oak, 
with  obscured  lights ;  which,  at  the  very  instant  of 
Falstaffs  and  our  meeting,  they  will  at  once  display  to 
the  night. 

Mrs.  Ford 
That  cannot  choose  but  amaze  him. 

Mrs.  Page 
If  he  be  not  amazed,  he  will  be  mocked  ;   if  he  be 
amazed,  he  will  every  way  be  mocked. 

Mrs.  Ford 
We'll  betray  him  finely. 

Mrs.  Page 
Against  such  lewdsters  and  their  lechery 
Those  that  betray  them  do  no  treachery. 

Mrs.  Ford 

The  hour  draws  on.     To  the  oak,  to  the  oak  ! 

\Exeunt. 


156  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  v. 

Scene  IV 

Windsor  Park 

Enter  Sir  Hugh  Evans  disguised,  with  others 
as  Fairies 

Evans 
Trib,  trib,  fairies  ;  come  ;  and  remember  your  parts  : 
be  pold,   I  pray  you ;   follow  me  into  the  pit ;   and 
when  I  give  the  watch-'ords,  do  as  I  pid  you :  come 
come  ;  trib,  trib.  \_Exeunt. 


Scene  V 

Another  part  of  the  Park 

Enter  Falstaff  disguised  as  Heme 

Falstaff 
The  Windsor  bell  hath  struck  twelve  ;  the  minute 
draws  on.  Now,  the  hot-blooded  gods  assist  me ! 
Remember,  Jove,  thou  wast  a  bull  for  thy  Europa; 
love  set  on  thy  horns.  O  powerful  love !  that,  in 
some  respects,  makes  a  beast  a  man,  in  some  other, 


"  /'".ntcr  Sir  Hugh  Evans,  .  Inne  Page*  and  others" 


sc.  v.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  157 

a  man  a  beast.  You  were  also,  Jupiter,  a  swan  for 
the  love  of  Leda.  O  omnipotent  Love  !  how  near  the 
god  drew  to  the  complexion  of  a  goose.  A  fault  done 
first  in  the  form  of  a  beast.  O  Jove,  a  beastly  fault ! 
And  then  another  fault  in  the  semblance  of  a  fowl ; 
think  on  't,  Jove  ;  a  foul  fault !  When  gods  have  hot 
backs,  what  shall  poor  men  do  ?  For  me,  I  am  here 
a  Windsor  stag ;  and  the  fattest,  I  think,  i'  the  forest. 
Send  me  a  cool  rut-time,  Jove,  or  who  can  blame  me 
to  piss  my  tallow  ?     Who  comes  here  ?  my  doe  ? 

Enter  Mistress  Ford  and  Mistress  Page 

Mrs.  Ford 
Sir  John  !  art  thou  there,  my  deer?  my  male  deer? 

Falstaff 
My   doe   with   the   black    scut!     Let    the    sky  rain 
potatoes ;  let  it  thunder  to  the  tune  of  Green  Sleeves, 
hail  kissing-comfits  and  snow  eringoes  ;  let  there  come 
a  tempest  of  provocation,  I  will  shelter  me  here. 

Mrs.  Ford 
Mistress  Page  is  come  with  me,  sweetheart. 

Falstaff 
Divide  me  like  a  bribe  buck,  each  a  haunch:    I  will 
keep  my  sides  to  myself,  my  shoulders  for  the  fellow 
of  this  walk,  and  my  horns  I  bequeath  your  husbands. 


158  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  v. 

Am  I  a  woodman,  ha?  Speak  I  like  Heme  the 
hunter  ?  Why,  now  is  Cupid  a  child  of  conscience  ; 
he  makes  restitution.     As  I  am  a  true  spirit,  welcome  ! 

[Noise  within. 

Mrs.  Page 
Alas,  what  noise  ? 

Mrs.  Ford 
Heaven  forgive  our  sins  ! 

Falstaff 
What  should  this  be  ? 

Mrs.  Ford  and  Mrs.  Page 
Away,  away!  [They  run  off. 

Falstaff 
I  think  the  devil  will  not  have  me  damned,  lest  the 
oil   that's  in  me  should   set   hell   on   fire  :  he  would 
never  else  cross  me  thus. 

Enter  Sir  Hugh  Evans,  disguised  as  before ;  Pistol 
as  Hobgoblin;  Mistress  Quickly,  Anne  Page, 
and  others,  as  Fairies,  with  tapers 

Quickly 
Fairies,  black,  grey,  green,  and  white, 
You  moonshine  revellers,  and  shades  of  night, 
You  orphan  heirs  of  fixed  destiny, 
Attend  your  office  and  your  quality. 
Crier  Hobgoblin,  make  the  fairy  oyes. 


"Search  Windsor  Castle,  elves,  within  and  out  n 


"  \w>  Y\V 


sc.  v.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  159 

Pistol 
Elves,  list  your  names  ;  silence,  you  airy  toys. 
Cricket,  to  Windsor  chimneys  shalt  thou  leap  : 
Where  fires  thou  find'st  unraked  and  hearths  unswept, 
There  pinch  the  maids  as  blue  as  bilberry  : 
Our  radiant  queen  hates  sluts  and  sluttery. 

Falstaff 
They  are  fairies  ;  he  that  speaks  to  them  shall  die  : 
I'll  wink  and  couch  :  no  man  their  works  must  eye. 

[Lies  down  upon  his  face. 

Evans 
Where's  Bede  ?     Go  you,  and  where  you  find  a  maid 
That,  ere  she  sleep,  has  thrice  her  prayers  said, 
Raise  up  the  organs  of  her  fantasy  ; 
Sleep  she  as  sound  as  careless  infancy : 
But  those  as  sleep  and  think  not  on  their  sins, 
Pinch  them,  arms,  legs,  backs,  shoulders,   sides,   and 
shins. 

Quickly 
About,  about ; 

Search  Windsor  Castle,  elves,  within  and  out : 
Strew  good  luck,  ouphes,  on  every  sacred  room  : 
That  it  may  stand  till  the  ptrpetual  doom 
In  state  as  wholesome  as  in  state  'tis  fit, 
Worthy  the  owner,  and  the  owner  it. 


160  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  v. 

The  several  chairs  of  order  look  you  scour 
With  juice  of  balm  and  every  precious  flower  : 
Each  fair  instalment,  coat,  and  several  crest, 
With  loyal  blazon,  evermore  be  blest ! 
And  nightly,  meadow-fairies,  look  you  sing, 
Like  to  the  Garter's  compass  in  a  ring : 
The  expressure  that  it  bears,  green  let  it  be, 
More  fertile-fresh  than  all  the  field  to  see  ; 
And  '  Honi  soit  qui  mal  y  pense '  write 
In  emerald  tufts,  flowers  purple,  blue  and  white ; 
Like  sapphire,  pearl  and  rich  embroidery, 
Buckled  below  fair  knighthood's  bending  knee  : 
Fairies  use  flowers  for  their  charactery. 
Away  ;  disperse  :  but  till  'tis  one  o'clock, 
Our  dance  of  custom  round  about  the  oak 
Of  Heme  the  hunter,  let  us  not  forget. 

Evans 
Pray  you,  lock  hand  in  hand ;  yourselves  in  order  set  ; 
And  twenty  glow-worms  shall  our  lanterns  be, 
To  guide  our  measure  round  about  the  tree. 
But,  stay  ;  I  smell  a  man  of  middle-earth. 

Falstaff 
Heavens  defend  me  from  that  Welsh  fairy,  lest  he 
transform  me  to  a  piece  of  cheese ! 

Pistol 
Vile  worm,  thou  wast  o'erlooked  even  in  thy  birth. 


"  And nightly  meadow  fairies,  took  you  sing'1 


sc  v.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  161 

Quickly 
With  trial-fire  touch  me  his  finger-end  : 
If  he  be  chaste,  the  flame  will  back  descend 
And  turn  him  to  no  pain ;  but  if  he  start, 
It  is  the  flesh  of  a  corrupted  heart. 

Pistol 
A  trial,  come. 

Evans 

Come,  will  this  wood  take  fire  ? 

[  They  burn  him  with  their  tapers. 

Falstaff 
Oh,  Oh,  Oh ! 

Quickly 

Corrupt,  corrupt,  and  tainted  in  desire ! 
About  him,  fairies  ;  sing  a  scornful  rhyme  ; 
And,  as  you  trip,  still  pinch  him  to  your  time. 

Song 
Fie  on  sinful  fantasy  ! 
Fie  on  lust  and  luxury  I 
Lust  is  but  a  bloody  fire. 
Kindled  with  unchaste  desire. 
Fed  in  heart,  whose  flames  aspire 
As  thoughts  do  blow  them,  higher  and  higher. 

Pinch  him,  fairies,  mutually; 

Pinch  him  for  his  villany  ; 
Pinch  him,  and  burn  him,  and  turn  him  about, 
Till  candles  and  starlight  and  moonshine  be  out. 


i6z  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  v. 

During  this  song  they  pinch  Falstaff.  Doctor 
Caius  comes  one  way,  and  steals  away  a  boy  in 
green  ;  Slender  another  way,  and  takes  off  a  boy  in 
white ;  and  Fenton  comes,  and  steals  away  Mrs. 
Anne  Page.  A  noise  of  hunting  is  heard  within. 
All  the  Fairies  run  away.  Falstaff  pulls  off  his 
bucks  head,  and  rises. 

Enter  Page,  Ford,  Mistress  Page 
and  Mistress  Ford 

Page 
Nay,  do  not  fly  ;  I  think  we  have  watch'd  you  now  : 
Will  none  but  Heme  the  hunter  serve  your  turn  ? 

Mrs.  Page 
I  pray  you,  come,  hold  up  the  jest  no  higher. 
Now,  good  Sir  John,  how  like  you  Windsor  wives  ? 
See  you  these,  husband  ?  do  not  these  fair  yokes 
Become  the  forest  better  than  the  town  ? 

Ford 
Now,  sir,  who's  a  cuckold  now  ?  Master  Brook, 
Falstaff  s  a  knave,  a  cuckoldly  knave ;  here  are  his 
horns,  Master  Brook :  and,  Master  Brook,  he  hath 
enjoyed  nothing  of  Ford's  but  his  buck-basket,  his 
cudgel,  and  twenty  pounds  of  money,  which  must  be 
paid  to  Master  Brook  ;  his  horses  are  arrested  for  it, 
Master  Brook. 


• '  Noiv,  good  Sir  John,  Ziozu  like  you  J I  Hndsor   w 


sc.  v.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  163 

Mrs.  Ford 
Sir  John,  we  have  had  ill  luck ;  we  could  never  meet. 
I   will  never  take  you  for  my  love  again  ;  but  I  will 
always  count  you  my  deer. 

Falstaff 
I  do  begin  to  perceive  that  I  am  made  an  ass. 

Ford 
Ay,  and  an  ox  too  :  both  the  proofs  are  extant. 

Falstaff 
And  these  are  not  fairies  ?  I  was  three  or  four  times 
in  the  thought  they  were  not  fairies ;  and  yet  the 
guiltiness  of  my  mind,  the  sudden  surprise  of  my 
powers,  drove  the  grossness  of  the  foppery  into  a 
received  belief,  in  despite  of  the  teeth  of  all  rhyme  and 
reason,  that  they  were  fairies.  See  now  how  wit  may 
be  made  a  Jack-a-Lent,  when  'tis  upon  ill  employment ! 

Evans 
Sir  John  Falstaff,  serve  Got,  and  leave  your  desires, 
and  fairies  will  not  pinse  you. 

Ford 
Well  said,  fairy  Hugh. 


164  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  v. 

Evans 
And  leave  your  jealousies  too,  I  pray  you. 

Ford 
I  will  never  mistrust  my  wife  again,  till  thou  art  able 
to  woo  her  in  good  English. 

Falstaff 
Have  I  laid  my  brain  in  the  sun  and  dried  it,  that  it 
wants  matter  to  prevent  so  gross  o'er-reaching  as  this  ? 
Am  I  ridden  with  a  Welsh  goat  too  ?  shall  I  have  a 
coxcomb  of  frize  ?  'Tis  time  I  were  choked  with  a  piece 
of  toasted  cheese. 

Evans 
Seese  is  not  good  to  give  putter  ;  your   belly   is  all 
putter. 

Falstaff 
'  Seese  '  and   '  putter ' !  have  I  lived  to  stand  at  the 
taunt  of  one  that  makes  fritters  of  English  ?     This  is 
enough    to    be   the   decay   of  lust   and   late-walking 
through  the  realm. 

Mrs.  Page 
Why,  Sir  John,  do  you  think,  though  we  would  have 
thrust    virtue    out   of  our   hearts   by   the   head   and 
shoulders  and  have  given  ourselves  without  scruple 


sc.  v.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  165 

to  hell,  that  ever  the  devil  could  have  made  you  our 
delight  ? 

Ford 
What,  a  hodge-pudding  ?  a  bag  of  flax  ? 

Mrs.  Page 
A  puffed  man  ? 

Page 

Old,  cold,  withered  and  of  intolerable  entrails  ? 

Ford 
And  one  that  is  as  slanderous  as  Satan  ? 

Page 
And  as  poor  as  Job  ? 

Ford 
And  as  wicked  as  his  wife  ? 

Evans 
And  given  to  fornications,  and  to  taverns  and  sack 
and    wine    and    metheglins,    and    to   drinkings   and 
swearings  and  starings,  pribbles  and  prabbles  ? 

Falstaff 
Well,  I  am  your  theme :  you  have  the  start  of  me  ;  I 
am  dejected  ;    I  am  not  able  to  answer  the  Welsh 
flannel  ;  ignorance  itself  is  a  plummet  o'er  me :   use 
me  as  you  will. 


166  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  v. 

Ford 
Marry,  sir,  we'll  bring  you  to  Windsor,  to  one  master 
Brook,  that  you  have  cozened  of  money,  to  whom 
you  should  have  been  a  pander:  over  and  above  that 
you  have  suffered,  I  think  to  repay  that  money  will 
be  a  biting  affliction. 

Page 
Yet  be  cheerful,  knight :   thou  shalt  eat  a  posset  to- 
night at  my  house  ;  where  I  will  desire  thee  to  laugh 
at  my  wife,  that  now  laughs  at  thee :  tell  her  Master 
Slender  hath  married  her  daughter. 

Mrs.  Page 
[Aside]  Doctors  doubt  that:    if  Anne   Page  be  my 
daughter,  she  is,  by  this,  Doctor  Caius'  wife. 

Enter  Slender 

Slender 
Whoa,  ho  !  ho,  father  Page ! 

Page 

Son,  how  now !  how  now,  son  !  have  you  dispatched  ? 

Slender 
Dispatched!     I'll   make   the   best  in  Gloucestershire 
know  on't ;  would  I  were  hanged,  la,  else ! 


"  /  went  to  her  and  cried  '  Muni*-  and  she 
cried  '  Budget 


sc.  v.        MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  167 

Page 
Of  what,  son  ? 

Slender 
I  came  yonder  at  Eton  to  marry  Mistress  Anne  Page, 
and  she's  a  great  lubberly  boy.  If  it  had  not  been 
i'  the  church,  I  would  have  swinged  him,  or  he  should 
have  swinged  me.  If  I  did  not  think  it  had  been 
Anne  Page,  would  I  might  never  stir! — and  'tis  a 
postmaster's  boy. 

Page 
Upon  my  life,  then,  you  took  the  wrong. 

Slender 
What  need  you  tell  me  that?     I  think  so,   when   I 
took  a  boy  for  a  girl.     If  I  had  been  married  to  him, 
for  all  he  was  in  woman's  apparel,  I  would  not  have 
had  him. 

Page 
Why,  this  is  your  own  folly.     Did  not  I  tell  you  how 
you  should  know  my  daughter  by  her  garments  ? 

Slender 
I  went  to  her  in   white,   and   cried   'mum,'  and  she 
cried  'budget,'  as  Anne  and   I   had  appointed;  and 
yet  it  was  not  Anne,  but  a  postmaster's  boy. 


168  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  v. 

Mrs.  Page 
Good  George,  be  not  angry:   I  knew  of  your  purpose; 
turned  my  daughter  into  green  ;    and,   indeed,  she  is 
now  with  the  doctor  at  the  deanery,  and  there  married. 

Enter  Caius 

Caius 
Vere  is  Mistress  Page?     By  gar,  I  am  cozened:   I  ha' 
married  un  garc,on,  a  boy ;  un  paysan,  by  gar,  a  boy  ; 
it  is  not  Anne  Page :  by  gar,  I  am  cozened. 

Mrs.  Page 
Why,  did  you  take  her  in  green  ? 

Caius 
Ay,   by  gar,   and    'tis  a   boy:    by  gar,    I'll  raise  all 
Windsor.  {Exit. 

Ford 
This  is  strange.      Who  hath  got  the  right  Anne  ? 

Page 
My  heart  misgives  me  :  here  comes  Master  Fenton. 

Enter  Fenton  and  Anne  Page 

How  now,  Master  Fenton  ! 


sc.  v.         MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR  169 

Anne 
Pardon,  good  father !  good  my  mother,  pardon  ! 

Page 

Now,  mistress,  how  chance  you  went  not  with  Master 
Slender  ? 

Mrs.  Page 
Why  went  you  not  with  master  doctor,  maid  ? 

Fenton 
You  do  amaze  her :  hear  the  truth  of  it. 
You  would  have  married  her  most  shamefully, 
Where  there  was  no  proportion  held  in  love. 
The  truth  is,  she  and  I,  long  since  contracted, 
Are  now  so  sure  that  nothing  can  dissolve  us. 
The  offence  is  holy  that  she  hath  committed  ; 
And  this  deceit  loses  the  name  of  craft, 
Of  disobedience,  or  unduteous  title, 
Since  therein  she  doth  evitate  and  shun 
A  thousand  irreligious  cursed  hours, 
Which  forced  marriage  would  have  brought  upon  her. 

Ford 
Stand  not  amazed  ;  here  is  no  remedy : 
In  love  the  heavens  themselves  do  guide  the  state  ; 
JMoney  buys  lands,  and  wives  are  sold  by  fate. 


170  MERRY  WIVES  OF  WINDSOR       act  v. 

Falstaff 
I  am  glad,  though  you  have  ta'en  a  special  stand  to 
strike  at  me,  that  your  arrow  hath  glanced. 

Page 
Well,  what  remedy  ?     Fenton,  heaven  give  thee  joy ! 
What  cannot  be  eschew'd  must  be  embraced. 

Falstaff 
When  night-dogs  run,  all  sorts  of  deer  are  chased. 

Mrs.  Page 
Well,  I  will  muse  no  further,  Master  Fenton, 
Heaven  give  you  many,  many  merry  days! 
Good  husband,  let  us  every  one  go  home, 
And  laugh  this  sport  o'er  by  a  country  fire  ; 
Sir  John  and  all. 

Ford 
Let  it  be  so.     Sir  John, 
To  Master  Brook  you  yet  shall  hold  your  word  ; 
For  he  to-night  shall  lie  with  Mistress  Ford. 

[Exeunt. 


Ak 


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